Husband not coping
Does anyone have any advice dealing with a husband who is not dealing with a diagnosis? He’s leaning on me for emotional support and has spent most of the holidays drunk (he was a heavy drinker before) but he just sees the diagnosis as using drinking as a way to cope. I’m trying to stay strong and recover from chemo while caring for our daughter. I’ve been dealing with things pretty well but his outlook is just causing tension and frustration. I understand he’s doing it tough but I need support now. I nursed him through a cancer diagnosis 5 years ago but he says he can’t handle it because it’s me. Sorry for the rant. Does anyone have any suggestions?
husband not coping with my physical appearance since failed reconstruction
Hi I had a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction on breast that was prev radiated - I was aware of risk might fail and unfortuantely that has happened. 'I am left with a mound with nipple and v confronting to look at as sort of collapsed on itself. My husband is really struggling with my appearance and cant bear to look at it. I think he has been in denial and now cant avoid fact.. he is quite angry and tells me is more that he is put off/disgusted by fact have put on weight(about 8kg) that fact have no breast. Does anyone know of a support group for partners/husbands or any ideas how I can support him? He is v resistant to counselling....:(
Being scared
Hi guys as most of you know my husband had a heart attack 3 weeks ago, well its been difficult coping with the mood swings and treading carefuly. ln the early hours this morning he tapped me on the shoulder, no girls not for that, but said lm so scared and then cried so hugs in the dark and lots of patting on the back.made me think l never the whole time during cancer told anyone l was scared l was but l didnt say it. so lm putting it out there girls lve been scared , l always hope bc stays away but really l should be saying lm scared cancer will come back, just had to say it. if a man can say it l should to. its ok to say lm scared
relationships
ok, I have just gotten off the phone from my husband who took carers leave today to come pick me up from hospital (stayed in over the weeked due to high temperature from last round of chemo) but I have not seen him since he dropped me off this morning. I had to drive to my Breast oncologist this afternoon for an appointment and now I am going to pick up the kids from school. Feeling very light headed and not the best. He has just asked me if I am going to come and help paint our investment property apartment ( which is over 45mins drive in afternoon traffic from home) after picking up the kids. I am still feeling the effects of my last round of chemo and I have nerve damage in my fingers and it feels like my nails are going to fall off any minute. I Just can't believe he asked me to do this. Now he makes me feel guilty for not helping.
My 19 year old girlfriend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know what to do
About a month ago my girlfriend was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. Surprisingly she seemed like she was doing so well considering her situation. I have been so proud of how strong she has been throughout it all. Recently I noticed she had been very distant. She hardly seemed interested in anything we used to talk about. At first i though maybe since she moved back to her parents we had grown distant or I had done something. It was only after her surgery recently that i got to see her again and straight away i knew something was up. She wouldn't look at me and wasn't in the mood to be touched or hugged. I asked her if she was alright and she finally told me that that during her surger they had found that it there was another tumor on the other side of her breast. She went on to say that very soon we could no longer be togethe because she wants to be alone. I asked her why and she told me she didn't want me to see her like this. She kept telling me that she's dying and that I need to let her go. I have tried to plead with her to let me be with her but she doesn't want me to be. I know that she needs space and time to herself because of what this is but I couldn't live with myself if I just let her go it on her own. All I want to do is be there for her but not being able to hurts. Thanks for all the comments and support. It has helped get a better understanding of things. I have decided to give her space and we both agreed that she'll message me when she's ready. I've realised I made it a little hard for her with me stressing too much and that it might help. Thanks again everyone for the support, it has teally meant a lot.Am I just a sook?
Hi It is a year since my first and second Breast cancer excisions and lymph node biopsy. The first was on 3 March 2015 and the 2nd a week later on 10 March 2015. Apparently there was a second cancer near the skin which was missed by all. Not blaming my surgeon who is esteemed by all in the know and friends of friends who have experienced her care. However I was quite shattered by the discovery of the second cancer and the need for another surgery so soon. However the prognosis was good after this and I escaped chemotherapy but had 16 radio therapy treatments. Other than a painful and frustrating frozen shoulder for 12 months which has now sorted itself and the usual tiredness and frustration with not having my usual energy everything has been going ok. Oh, I did have to have a Gall bladder 6 weeks after the breast surgeries with that surgeon and the radio oncologist discussing how to fit it in around radio treatments! So in all, not the worst of things to happen. My problem is how I feel about the lack of sympathy and emotional from my family. My husband has always been helpful around the house and is regarded well by all. However 3 days after my second Breast surgery he asked ' shouldn't you be over it by now?' Maybe I was being a bit emotional but that shattered me. That someone so close to me and who professes to love me could be so callous. However I tried to put that behind me (never forgiven though as you see). My 2 married daughters were soliticious in the first week or so but soon decided I was not seriously ill - which I wasn't but I can't help wanting more emotional support and understanding of my experience. I suppose the 2nd crunch ( after my husband's comment) came this week when visiting a daughter overseas, my 10 year old granddaughter told me that I didn't have cancer because 'the doctor took it out so you are alright now'. I assured her I was alright but felt hurt that this had been dealt with in so perfunctory a manner. Now my youngest granddaughter has developed chicken pox and while there has been much discussion about whether her other grandparents should visit (one has Rheumatoid arthritis so naturally concerns are raised) when I wondered aloud whether I need to be careful about contact, my daughter just said blithely'too late now'. Sorry about this long essay but I guess I am feeling unloved and certainly lacking in any family sympathy. Perhaps just a sook! Thanks for ' listening'
Separated by Ice, Blizzards, Penguins, Seals, and the Southern Ocean
This is my first post here and not sure I'm in the right place. My wife was diagnosed with stage 3 c breast cancer back on April 16th this year. She has had two operations, and is now had her first chemo treatment. Neutropenia has also been diagnosed. She has had no other side effects, including lose of hair and nausea.She is a very fit lady who is very up beat about the whole business of this cancer. She has a wonderful support group at home from my parents,and a group of girlfriends. This is all re assuring as I work in Antarctica, with no way of getting back home before November. We chatted on the phone twice a day when she was originally diagnosed and just before operations and directly after. Now she is on chemo we talk only once a day, maintaining our normal husband and wife conversations. We always start with how she is traveling on the day and move on to her other activities, her appointments, and her interests away from cancer always ending on a high note. I don't know about the pyscology of other men, but for me I always find it frustrating when I can not fix things. I build, and fix things for a living, but there is a sense of hopelessness when your best friend,you're wife, has something that you have absolutely no way of "fixing". The only thing I can offer are virtual "man hugs", an ear over the phone, and the knowledge I have gleaned from others.Antarctica is a wonderful place to work and photograph, but it "sucks" when your wife is back home with BC.
Never felt so alone
is there anybody to call and speak too as a partner of someone going through breast cancer? I have spoken to the local counsellor once before but got put off when she said to me " just Chant over and over All will be well" Right now I am being overpowered by it all and other things going on.
Where can I get support?
My wife Michelle has not been diagnosed. She is very reluctant to take treatment. If it is cancer, it is quite advanced, she can feel it growing and her pain becomes more consistent. We are private people and have few friends to rely on. I think the time fast approaches where we will need help. Can someone point me in the right direction soon please....I don't know what to do! Thank you Lewis
