Finding ways to support my Indonesian fiancé - I’m a fast learner.
Hello everyone, I’m looking for some guidance and help. I’m still learning the terms. My fiancé and I met earlier this year online. We were planning on an engagement and first time to meet in person mid-May in Indonesia where she lives. I am in Australia, a citizen by birth. we’re both in our mid-30s. Three days ago we were diagnosed with breast cancer, after urging her to get a mammogram for ongoing breast pain and a reduction in size in one breast. The doctor didn’t perform a biopsy to send a sample of her lump to pathology, they just told her she has it. Her church community have told her to fly to Singapore to get an accurate diagnosis and treatment. I don’t know where to start; I’ve been following the literature from BCNA on taking it one day at a time, not to use ‘Dr. Google’,and to let her take the lead in the kind of help she wants from me, but also to educate her on medical truths that are simply not taught to people there. I wish I could fly her to Australia to receive the help we have access to here, perhaps I can but I don’t know where to start looking. Can anyone relate?
Supporting a loved one with post-cancer depression
Hi there, I'm looking for some guidance as to supporting a loved one who has developed symptoms of depression after surviving breast cancer. She has actually experienced breast cancer twice, as well as losing a close friend to metastatic breast cancer, all before the age of 50. Since completing chemotherapy the last time, she has really struggled. She's lost all self-confidence, lives in fear of it returning, and feels isolated and angry. When she's feeling really low, she asks "why me?" and feels as though she's being punished for something. I just wish she could be happy, but don't know what to do. I can't say anything that helps because I haven't lived in her shoes. Anytime we mention support groups, therapy or medication to help with her struggles, she becomes very defensive and feels even more isolated. I just don't know what to do. Perhaps if there was anyone who has shared a similar experience would have some insight? If so, I'd really appreciate it.
BCNA requesting your help with our 2019 Christmas Appeal
Hello everyone, We are looking for your help with our 2019 Christmas appeal. For those newly diagnosed with breast cancer the holiday season can be full of uncertainty and isolation. That's why BCNA is there, to support all Australians affected by breast cancer, no matter the time of year. We are looking for two stories this year: one from a person diagnosed at Christmas who had a strong family network to lean on and another without. If you think your story might suit, and you can share it as Jennie did, please contact our media team by emailing media@bcna.org.au and they will be in touch with you. Thank you in anticipation
My mum- 46 yr old, grade 3 IDC- Lumpectomy surgery today
Hi Everyone, I'm 27 and my mum (46 years) has recently been diagnosed with a 14mm (pre surgery) grade 3 IDC and is about to have her lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy today. We wont know what stage and hormone status she is until the 29th. To give a bit of a background, her nanna and mum have both had breast cancer, with her mum being diagnosed at 44 (ILC, ER+ HER- recurrence in other breast 5 years after, Metastasized to bones and brain). Her mum passed away 10 years ago (60 years old) after a long battle. As you can imagine, this has been a fear of my mum's for many years and now that it has been realized we are all at a bit of a loss as to what is next in the process. Although treatment and technology have come a long way since my nan's diagnoses it is quite scary after seeing the battle my nan fought. At this point I'm just looking to reach out to people who have traveled this road. The anxiety and waiting is really hard to deal with and not knowing the full picture at this point.
Close to home
I know this beautiful woman. She has also been through so much over the past few years. Has a beautiful son and beautiful soul. Today things changed and it hit so close to home it brought my to tears in the middle of my local supermarket. She was Diagnosed with Breast Cancer today. she is only 30… but this is for the second time in 2 years. A single mother having to go through this its just not fair! also being 400+kms away from her is killing me. This is why it angers me when doctors say ‘you don’t need to worry until you are 40? this day in age its not the case. Women are getting younger and younger and the medical world just don’t want to take that into consideration… Just so emotional… I want these breasts gone NOW..
Feeling guilty
Hi Ladies, I had to bury a friend yesterday who passed away from a rare & aggresive cervical cancer and I think I've got survivors guilt. Has anyone else ever had this? I cry at the drop of a hat, I'm moody and not my usual self & I'm questioning why she died and I lived. The funeral was very emotional and it bought back so many feelings thay I thought I'd dealt with but I don't think I have. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thanks
Sadness in May
Three weeks ago,I lost a friend to breast cancer and 11days ago I lost my dear mum to liver cancer. She was diagnosed 14 months ago and was told she'd only have 6 months to live.She decided against chemo which wouldn't give her a cure but perhaps extra time.Well she got an extra 8mths anyway and we looked after her in her home until the end.My brother and I kept her comfortable and she had a peaceful death with us close by her. Being her carer and nurse and watching her waste away to skin and bone has been the hardest thing in my life-perhaps harder than going through my own cancer treatments.It was a tough week with mum dying on the 9th,mother's day on the 11th,mum's birthday on the 12th and my daughter's 30th birthday on the 13th.Needless to say,we didn't feel like celebrating any of it. I'm having some quiet time but slowly rejoining the human race after having my own life on hold for so long. Tonya xx
I miss her
I have lost my mum very recently (May 13th 2014) She was diagnosed with triple negative metaplastic breast cancer on New Years Eve 2012. She had a mastectomy a month after diagnosis, agressive chemo then radiation which took us up to Nov 2013. She developed a sore back during radiation and it was found that it had spread to her spine. She had a spinal fusion and corpectomy in Jan 2014, more radiation but none of it helped. It then spread to her lungs and finally her brain. She had me very young, she was 21. We were very close for many years but after a second marriage we drifted apart and didn't speak to each other for a long time. Both my daughters still had a lot to do with her but it was easier for us to keep our relationship like that. She told me about her diagnosis and of course I was by her side. I took her to every appointment, every scan, everything. I was sure that she was going to beat it. She was such a tough strong person and she could do it. But she couldn't. I'm so grateful that we had that time to reconnect and become as strong as we ever had been. I spent the week after her funeral keeping really busy organising the funeral that she wanted. I didn't have to think too much. The week after the funeral I was busy organising the legal things. Now this last week I feel completely lost. I'm so emotional and exhausted but can't sleep. Small things make me upset and I can't understand why people can't just understand that I miss my mum and that's all there is to it. There is a lot of division with my step family now and that is creating so much more stress than I can deal with but I promised her I would carry things out for her. I know shes watching me and I know she's pain free but she was 61 and I wanted her to be around a lot longer than she was. People tell me to think of the things I am grateful for. She adored my 2 daughters, her only grandchildren and they were lucky to have had her in their lives but why should they have to go through the rest of their lives without their grandma. She watched them grow into beautiful confident women (She was also a young grandma) and she was very very proud of them. But I wanted her to see more, love more enjoy more. It's not fair that she isn't here with us anymore. I miss sedning her a text goodnight and good morning. I miss complaining to her about my husband. I miss talking to her about the football. I miss the little things. Like holding her hand, brushing her hair buying her little gifts.I miss so much but the pain she was in was excruciating and it was so hard to see her dealing with it. If only things had turned out differently.
Goodbye, Mum
It's over. My beautiful Mum died on 14 December last year and I still can't believe I'm writing that... that it happened. Life without her still seems incomprehensible! She was in a lot of pain at the end, but eventually was sedated and medicated and slipped into a deep sleep. She died with my three brothers and Dad and I all standing around her bed with our hands on her, tears streaming down our faces, telling her we loved her. That brings me a lot of comfort - she was surrounded by love, love, love, and we were all together. My heart is breaking. In the end, the brain mets were making her say and do funny things, but I'm grateful my last conversation with her was about just her and I spending time together the next morning and having a coffee. Just us two girls, just like we've done since I was born! Receiving her death certificate in the mail was hard, it said so plainly that she died from metastatic breast cancer, 17 months since diagnosis. I remembered back to that diagnosis day, how we were so shellshocked and afraid but she was so brave and determined! I have a wealth of memories and a legacy of love from her. Sometimes I remember that and smile and cry. Sometimes I just miss her so much that there is no smiling, only crying. It was the most beautiful funeral! It was a real celebration of Mum as a wonderful wife, a brilliant mum, a competitive spirit, an inspiring teacher, a humourous lady who loved a good giggle and someone who above all else loved her family. We were all proud of how we farewelled her. My brother arranged all the music, sang and played piano and it was so beautiful... another sang, my youngest brother carried the coffin out with my Dad and I gave the eulogy. What can I say but that I love her. I have been profoundly affected by seeing her fight breast cancer and by seeing her die. I don't feel like a 'motherless daughter' like I thought I would, I feel like I have a wonderful Mum who is just not with me anymore. There are so many milestones that will break my heart to go through without her. There are so many ordinary moments that break my heart, too. There's a Winnie the Pooh quote that comes to mind... "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
Thanks 2013 breasties
Hi girls, wanted to say thanks for all your love and hugs over the year 2013' thanks to the gals in our support group, thanks to my gals I met at the summit and thanks to all you blogging gals. 2014 sees me having the mammo and ultrasound and hoping its a good start for 2014. Love to you all adeanxx