The simple things - Day 7 post lumpectomy
How we take things for granted...
I managed to properly wash AND straighten my hair this morning! I still can't get my arm up over my head so i was twisting and turning like a circus contortionist just to get to the back of my head!. I looked in the mirror and a semi me looked back. I'm pale and have dark circles under my eyes, but my hair looks great! hahaha! I am also very aware that I may have no hair left in a few weeks time.
The silly thing is I am more afraid of the impending treatment than i was of the initial surgery. How will I feel? How will i look if I have to have more breast surgery? I have big boobs (14HH) and they are kinda my trademark,LOL! Will my husband still find me attractive? What will i look like with no hair? How will others feel about this? Arrgh! the emotions and thoughts, worries and questions swirling around in my mind. All of which I keep to myself, while I sit and smile at my family and visitors and tell them I'm OK.
The hardest thing to grasp is how you will feel throughout this experience, you just don't know until you get there I guess. I think the initial shock, the information overload, that fact YOU actually have cancer and how will you deal with it effects your way of thinking in an astounding way. I think your brain has a natural way of "numbing" your reaction. It's like a preparation to make you strong and sane enough to get through it....The next days, weeks, months will blur by I imagine, I expect that there will be good days and there will be bad, low days and deal with them as they come.
Anticipation plays havoc with the mind. But hope fills the heart with a kind of warm, soothing hug. And I'll embrace that for the moment as I wait for my final results and impending treatment plan. Friday 22/1 can't get here quick enough!
'Till then...
Love and light to all for strength, healing and beautiful days <3
- Tracy
Stay Strong|Breathe|Believe