Here we go
Where do I start, I am 29 years old I have been married for two years this Wednesday and have been diagnosed with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. Who would have thought your life could change so much.
I was chatting away with my work collegues and just had a sudden urge to scratch my right breast, much to my shock I felt a large lump that I am positive wasnt there when I showered in the morning. My first reaction was to book an appointment to go to the doctors. The next day I went to my gp who said I needed to have an ultrasound but she was positive that it was a fibroad or a cyst so I dodnt freak out. The next day I went to have an ultarasound and the doctors were saying that they word need to do a fna to get samples of exactly what it was, my heart sank panic started kicking in. The doctors told me I would receive the results the following week, but my husband and I would be away on holiday when the results would be given. I spoke to my gp that night and asked her what I should do as I wanted to know the news and she told me that the results couldnt be given to me via email or phone call but needed to be in person, she said not to worry and enjoy your holiday (easier said then done). I booked an appointment the day we flew in to get the results. We had a great holiday but the results were always on my mind.
The day we got back I went to my gp and she broke down in tears (this is our family doctor who has been looking after my family and I for about 15 years), I knew straight away it was bad news and also broke down in tears my husband sat there stunned no reaction just tears rolling down his face.
The hardest was telling my parents as I come from a close nit family and my parents live for their kids. I decided to call them allover to my parents and let it out then.
The next day I was up for alot more tests a biopsy, mammogram, ct scan lots of poking and proding to find out more about this monster inside if me.
The results came in it was HER2 positive, 32mm and thank goodness no where else in my body.
My surgeon informed me due to where it was that my best alternative was to have chemo first to reduce the size of the lump before having a lumpectomy, followed by radiation. To prevent scarring in my cleavage area and to not lose at least one cup size.
I was overwhlemed thinking I needed to have chemo and surgery was crazy I had never been to hospital never had any surgery and all of a sudden I would be having all this.
Our next recommendation from my doctor was to see about fertility options, as being only married nearly two years we were looking at starting kids so I was excited to go things in progress so that we could start a family after all this has passed. I was informed that chemo would reduce the chances of me getting my period by 50% and less chance of having kids I freaked out, our option know was to go through IVF.
On our first session they did an ultrasound on my ovaries to find that my left ovary isnt producing many eggs and is 14times smaller then my right I freaked out.From here the journey of IVF came to hand. With multiple ultrasounds, bloode tests, queing up early hours in the morning to get early appointments to be at work by 9, injections, tablets and hormones being pumped into me the day came to collect my eggs. With having to postpone my chemo for two weeks dispite the oncologist suggesting not to we have five eggs fertilised and waiting for us when all this is over.
on Wednesday the 18th of September I had my first session of chemo I went the week before to have my zolardex injection to still try protect my ovaries from all that is about to happen. It was very nerve racking being the only younger person in the room with sick and frail people around you , I wasnt sure if I was ready to go through all this as the reality is I was soon going to be one those frail people.
The session of Docetaxel, Herceptin and Carboplatin went well it took about four hours, the actual appointment witht my oncologist prior was scary as he had told me that my heart rate was extremely low and the Herceptin would make it lower and cause my heart to stop I freaked out.I am now on tablets evey day to stop my heart from being affected.
I have taken time off work to find my feet and brace myself for what is about to occur. It has been I think 6 days since my first session I have been lucky and had only felt a little nautious, but my body is aching, I have come out with red bumps round my hairline and my minds allover the place. I am dying to get back to work, I am finding I am feeling very emotional and am trying to be strong but I am at the point where I have just had enough I dont want to go through this I dont want to feel this way, I hate the idea of not knowing what is about to happen.
My biggest fear is that I will never be the person I used to be and that my life wont go back to normal.
How do I accept what is happening and be posiive about what this chemo is doing to me is it really worth it?
