Forum Discussion
Here we go
Where do I start, I am 29 years old I have been married for two years this Wednesday and have been diagnosed with stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. Who would have thought your life could change so much.
I was chatting away with my work collegues and just had a sudden urge to scratch my right breast, much to my shock I felt a large lump that I am positive wasnt there when I showered in the morning. My first reaction was to book an appointment to go to the doctors. The next day I went to my gp who said I needed to have an ultrasound but she was positive that it was a fibroad or a cyst so I dodnt freak out. The next day I went to have an ultarasound and the doctors were saying that they word need to do a fna to get samples of exactly what it was, my heart sank panic started kicking in. The doctors told me I would receive the results the following week, but my husband and I would be away on holiday when the results would be given. I spoke to my gp that night and asked her what I should do as I wanted to know the news and she told me that the results couldnt be given to me via email or phone call but needed to be in person, she said not to worry and enjoy your holiday (easier said then done). I booked an appointment the day we flew in to get the results. We had a great holiday but the results were always on my mind.
The day we got back I went to my gp and she broke down in tears (this is our family doctor who has been looking after my family and I for about 15 years), I knew straight away it was bad news and also broke down in tears my husband sat there stunned no reaction just tears rolling down his face.
The hardest was telling my parents as I come from a close nit family and my parents live for their kids. I decided to call them allover to my parents and let it out then.
The next day I was up for alot more tests a biopsy, mammogram, ct scan lots of poking and proding to find out more about this monster inside if me.
The results came in it was HER2 positive, 32mm and thank goodness no where else in my body.
My surgeon informed me due to where it was that my best alternative was to have chemo first to reduce the size of the lump before having a lumpectomy, followed by radiation. To prevent scarring in my cleavage area and to not lose at least one cup size.
I was overwhlemed thinking I needed to have chemo and surgery was crazy I had never been to hospital never had any surgery and all of a sudden I would be having all this.
Our next recommendation from my doctor was to see about fertility options, as being only married nearly two years we were looking at starting kids so I was excited to go things in progress so that we could start a family after all this has passed. I was informed that chemo would reduce the chances of me getting my period by 50% and less chance of having kids I freaked out, our option know was to go through IVF.
On our first session they did an ultrasound on my ovaries to find that my left ovary isnt producing many eggs and is 14times smaller then my right I freaked out.From here the journey of IVF came to hand. With multiple ultrasounds, bloode tests, queing up early hours in the morning to get early appointments to be at work by 9, injections, tablets and hormones being pumped into me the day came to collect my eggs. With having to postpone my chemo for two weeks dispite the oncologist suggesting not to we have five eggs fertilised and waiting for us when all this is over.
on Wednesday the 18th of September I had my first session of chemo I went the week before to have my zolardex injection to still try protect my ovaries from all that is about to happen. It was very nerve racking being the only younger person in the room with sick and frail people around you , I wasnt sure if I was ready to go through all this as the reality is I was soon going to be one those frail people.
The session of Docetaxel, Herceptin and Carboplatin went well it took about four hours, the actual appointment witht my oncologist prior was scary as he had told me that my heart rate was extremely low and the Herceptin would make it lower and cause my heart to stop I freaked out.I am now on tablets evey day to stop my heart from being affected.
I have taken time off work to find my feet and brace myself for what is about to occur. It has been I think 6 days since my first session I have been lucky and had only felt a little nautious, but my body is aching, I have come out with red bumps round my hairline and my minds allover the place. I am dying to get back to work, I am finding I am feeling very emotional and am trying to be strong but I am at the point where I have just had enough I dont want to go through this I dont want to feel this way, I hate the idea of not knowing what is about to happen.
My biggest fear is that I will never be the person I used to be and that my life wont go back to normal.
How do I accept what is happening and be posiive about what this chemo is doing to me is it really worth it?
21 Replies
My name is Donna and I was diagnosed in November 2012, so I am out the other side of my treatment and returnign to work next week.
You do get through it though at the time it feels like it will never end. I was such a control freak and had issues with this thing called cancer running my life, I managed with a lot of suppport from my family and my lovely new friends on this site.
I went back to work after my inital surgery and worked up to my 2nd chemo then it just got too much and I have taken 7 months off work. Loosing my hair was devestating at the time and looking at myself I wondered who the woman was looking back at me, no hair no eyelashes, no eyebrows but strange you do come to terms with that.
I am not the same person coming out of this journey that I was going into it, I am much stronger, I value my family and friendships much more and I take time to enjoy things a little more.
Goodd luck with all that is happening, we are here to provide whatever assistance you need. When I was having radiation I met some younger women who were members of a young womens Breast Cancer Group on FB and they seem to get loads of support from there too.
Take care
Donna
- O darl,I lost all my hair and all my eyelashes,eyebrows.I didn't recognise myself in the mirror- felt like I lost my identity.I'm probably at the extreme end so don't panic when I say it took10wks for my hair to start sprouting after chemo.I wish someone had told me it could take that long cos I was freaking out.So even though I was better,I looked like a cancer patient for ages after.It was so curly but it straightened at around 18mths.Hope you are coping ok -it ain't easy being bald! Tonya xx
- Hi Maz It is nice to read that you had lots of family support when you cut your hair. I hope it reinforces for you how much your family loves you, and that you are not travelling this road alone. Each day is a challenge - take your time and do it your own way. Sending you hugs and thinking of you Xxx Jeanine
Hi ChristineM,
thanks for your message it really opened my eyes to alot of things being a hairdresser the first thing I panicked about was losing my hair as I thought What are my students going to think about there lecturer with no hair.
Now having lost about 60% of my hair I have cut it shorter I still font have the courage to shave it just yet (one step at a time), but still have those moments when I look in the mirror and see myself and am just so shocked. I know my husband loves me no matter I look like as he tells me all the time but if I dont like lookign at myself like this how can I believe he can.
Despite all the ups and downs so far I have managed to see the funny side of things when I had my hair cut shorter my best friend did it at my parents house as a kind of support group I guess my brothers and nieces were there with there wives and they were all like it looks amazing and my 4 year old niece said to me I look like a boy and her 3 year old sister added I looked like a Prince we all started laughing.
I decided to nickname the wig I have been wearing as I read somewhere that when Beyonce goes on stage to perform she calls herself Sasha Fierce as it gives her courage to stand up in front of everyone. So now when I where my wig I feel that bit of strength for some strange reason?
My husband on the other hand thinks its hilarious and feels hes married to two people (he wishes can only handle one as it is lol)
I too am glad I heard about this forum as it so reasuring to talk with others who know exactly what your going through and completely understand.
I have finally inherited some sisters
Hi JeanineG,
thanks for your message, its so true you know, when you have no choice you can either let it get the better of you or think bugger it this isnt oing to grt the better of me.
I know exactly what you mean about low and high days and they are so different from oneanother there are days I would be soo down and I would think why and then other days which felt like I dont have cancer. But it really is just about taking each day as it comes if you want to scream or cry then bloody do it as you have every right to.
Going through this sure has made me much more grateful about everything in life we really dont know how lucky we are and there are worse off people.
I am getting my head around the hairloss situation as my dear friend keeps saying to me at least you know the chemo is working as this is one of the side effects you dont want to go through this and it not work do you?
Hi TonyaM,
thanks for your message I have lost about 60% of my hair so far which isnt too bad considering I am half way through my second round of chemo. I too am just clinging onto every strand even though everyone is saying to me to shave it off. I guess I am a glutten for punishment I'd rather see it fall out then go cold turkey as my friends say.
Being a hairdressing lecturer by trade I know it will fall out but that little voice in my head keeps on saying just hold on I have managed to cut it shorter to which I was proud of myself as there were no tears.
I definateky agree with you about the wigs being a bit stuffy, to be honest I am not looking forward to summer in my wig.
Thanks for that website too I managed to find a heatband that keeps your scalp cool while your wearing a wig (who thinks of this stuff?) I also purchased some scarfs as well for the days I really cant be bothered wearing my wig.
If I can ask did you end up losing all your hair?
I hope it grows back as quick as it falls out, theres gotta be light at the end of the tunnel with this hair situation
Hi Maz
It's amazing how strong we can be when we don't have any choice. I have a husband and three children and had to keep it together (not very well some of the time I must admit) for them. I still have my ups and downs but I just try to take it one day at a time. When I feel low, I allow myself to feel it and don't do anything I don't want to. When I'm feeling upbeat then life is wonderful and I appreciate the beauty in the everyday.
I'm sorry you are losing your hair. It must be really hard to go through that and I wish you strength with it all. Keep us posted - I'm thinking of you!
xxx
Yes,it's abit unnerving at first when you see your hair all over the place. Your scalp might feel abit sore/weird as hair continues to fall out over a week or so. Some ladies like to just shave it off early and others,like me, cut it short and cling to it as long as possible.There is no right or wrong way to deal with going bald. Some will embrace it but not me.I really struggled. However,you do adjust after a while and learn very quickly what works best on your head.I got most of my head gear from www.headcovers.com I had an expensive wig but didn't wear it much cos it was hot and itchy.Blog back here if you need support or if you want to vent about going bald cos it's a big deal. Tonya xx
Hi all,
just wondering if anyone can give me some tips or advice about hair loss I'm currently 14 days into my first session of chemo and I was told that it was around now, when i would start losing my hair.
To be honest I am freaking out a bit as I dont know what to expect, all I know is that when I am running my fingers through my hair some hairs are coming out.
maz a mataz
