Forum Discussion

typeonegative's avatar
typeonegative
Member
7 months ago

Can't stop thinking about bad outcomes

Newly diagnosed ++- and scheduled for lumpectomy in 2 weeks followed by radiation if all goes to plan. I'm having intrusive obsessive thoughts about death, particularly dying during the surgery and what my funeral will be like. It's non stop and exhausting and I'm neglecting everything else. I've put together an 'instruction manual' for my husband so he knows how to look after our autistic son properly. Are these thoughts premonitions or just underlying fear? I want it all to stop!

lumpectomy

8 Replies

  • SkyeC's avatar
    SkyeC
    Member
    14 days ago

    I understand the dark thoughts.....

    My dog was standing over me last night and was looking out the window growling. He has never done this before.  I asked my husband if perhaps the grim reaper was coming for me and Ralph could sense this???  WTF is going on in my brain with such irrational thoughts???

    • Christina_BCNA's avatar
      Christina_BCNA
      Community Manager
      13 days ago

      Hi SkyeC​, that sounds a little scary and spooky - I know what you mean by feeling that bond with your dog when they can sense how you are feeling, however I have also caught mine sometimes barking at her own shadow haha! If there is anything you'd want a listening ear just to talk through, please do call our Helpline on 1800 500 258 or request a callback, we are here to chat with you: https://www.bcna.org.au/helpline-self-referral-form 

    • arpie's avatar
      arpie
      Member
      13 days ago

      I am so Sorry to see you joining our select little group SkyeC​   This diagnosis can really muck with our brains, that is for sure!  I almost think it affects our brains even more than our bodies. 😐. It is totally normal to feel anger, distress, sadness, even grief with a BC diagnosis ... but there IS help out there to help get you thru it.  

      Feel free to jump onto the 'newly diagnosed' category and fill us in with your 'story' so far xx   Your diagnosis & if you've had surgery and/or treatment  yet?

      You can ring our Helpline for a confidential 'chat' .... and I think that you might find listening to the Charlotte Tottman podcasts a valuable assistance too.
      She is a specialist breast cancer Counsellor who talks about her own experience with BC - she was surprised at her own reaction to the diagnosis, when she'd been counseling others for many years & thought she 'knew it all'! 
      She has done 2 'seasons' ... Check out the 1st season, right from her diagnosis onwards and how she coped. She is very easy to listen to & you'll probably recognise your own reactions in many of the podcasts. 
      http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html

      take care & all the best xx

  • mel51's avatar
    mel51
    Member
    7 months ago

    Hi types negative,

    All of your thoughts & feelings are all very normal & completely understandable. But it is just fear. I was diagnosed 6 mths ago & in the initial stages I was planning my funeral songs. But I'm not anymore. It does get easier. Be gentle with yourself x

  • cranky_granny's avatar
    cranky_granny
    Member
    7 months ago

    typeonegative​  your not alone in having  those fears. Please get in touch with your GP to see a Councellor  or psychologist one that specialises in cancer.  I’ve had to see them myself  and have had great results. Still see one now. Who’s helping me get back on track. I’ve been on this roller coaster for 8 years now. 
    Things have come a long way with treatment for BC. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Take it 1 day at a time Find something you enjoy doing and turn your thoughts to planning that.   I have a multitude of different things in different stages of completion. From sewing, knitting jewellery making a huge pile of crossword and find a word book. 
    Colouring books. I just get whichever one takes my fancy at any given time. 
    Im not very good at meditating so I go for distraction. I also have a very small friendship group that I make a point of having a catch up with 1 or 2 we talk about everything but cancer. 
    I will jump onto here and scroll through Friday funnies. Have a laugh at some of the things that have been posted in the past. Also wise words is good to check out. Especially if you’re having a  sleepless night 

    • iserbrown's avatar
      iserbrown
      Member
      7 months ago

      Sad to read that the diagnosis has sent your thoughts into a frenzy.

      Hopefully you have been in touch with the Helpline and or a Counsellor to help with coping mechanisms. 

      Once a defined treatment plan is in place hopefully a sort of calm will descend upon you

      Take care

  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    7 months ago

    Definitely ring our helpline, 1800 500 258 for a 'one on one' chat .... and Charlotte Tottman's podcast series are just terrific to listen to.  

    Wishing you all the best for your surgery xx. Take care

  • Daina_BCNA's avatar
    Daina_BCNA
    Community Manager
    7 months ago

    Hi typeonegative,

    Thank you for opening up about your thoughts. You're not alone in feeling overwhelmed, and many in our community will relate to the fear and uncertainty you're experiencing.

    While we wait for others to respond, please reach out to our Helpline 1800 500 258 or speak to your GP, there's always support available.

    In the mean time I have included links to information and supports you may want to consider:


    I hope something above helps, even just a little.

    Take care,

    Daina