Until connecting with the lovely ladies here I was like both of you. I am 3 1/2 years post second lot of chemo(I had a recurrence). I had actually got my drive back, but sex hurts. I have discovered Silk which is a great natural lubricant. I need heaps though. However the game changer for me has been replens. It is a vaginal moisturiser. You use it every 3 days, or more often as needed. It had certainly made me more comfortable. I have gone off it at the moment as I had a rotten UTI. Can't wait to start using again. It is a bit pricy but I bought some online from a amcal with a reusable applicator(yep it's used internally),which is heaps cheaper.
Good luck to you both.
Paula x