@kmakm
do you think perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. There's lots of advice and reading out there but who fits precisely within the text book?
It's something that will come together for you eventually.
In the meantime make yourself a list whether it be mundane tasks or adventurous or volunteering at the Op Shop. Or maybe learning a new skill or hobby or getting a part time job as a check out chick or office work or a commitment to make a new dish once a week. It doesn't really matter what it is!
It's about finding something to focus on
You will get there
Deep breath
Take care