It's Letrozole For Me

Thanks @"Kiwi Angel". I'm having my first bad day this week. More pain from my abdomen than at any time since I came out of hospital, and I'm feeling pretty down. It's hard not to let the resentment take over.

@kmakm I think we are more than entitled to grieve for the life and body we thought we were going to have. I know I am. 

@Romla in September of last year at one of my 6 monthly opthalmic checkups I too asked a visiting opthalmologist about vision and letrazole and the  side effects. He too stated that he did not know of any. However at my recent visit to the opthalmologist ( via the Lions Bush Vision Van) it was stated that there have been studies on retinal bleeds and detachments caused by declining oestrogen levels which have a shrinking effect on the vitrious gel  in the eye. The shrinking effect tugs on the retina. There are peer reviewed medical studies published on the internet on the effect of aromatase inhibitors and vision problems. 
The patient information leaflet on AI's lists the increase of intraocular pressures as a side effect. Given that over the last 10 years I have worked hard through the use of pressure lowering drops to keep what remaining sight I have in my left eye (none in my right) I was unwilling to risk any furthur deterioration in my sight thus my declining to take letrazole.

Remember these lyrics Helen Reddy wrote so long ago ?

• You can bend but never break me
  'Cause it only serves to make me
  More determined to achieve my final goal
  And I come back even stronger
  Not a novice any longer
  'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

  Oh yes, I am wise
  But it's wisdom born of pain
  Yes, I've paid the price
  But look how much I gained
  If I have to, I can do anything
  I am strong
  (Strong)
  I am invincible
  (Invincible)
  I am woman

  I am woman watch me grow
  See me standing toe to toe
  As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
  But I'm still an embryo
  With a long, long way to go
  Until I make my brother understand

  Oh yes, I am wise
  But it's wisdom born of pain
  Yes, I've paid the price
  But look how much I gained
  If I have to, I can face anything
  I am strong
  (Strong)
  I am invincible
  (Invincible)
  I am woman

  I am woman
  I am invincible
  I am strong
  I am woman
  I am invincible
  I am strong
  I am woman

  
  
  

Dear @ kmakm it started a bit rough but I came through ok and I am hoping you will too. You’ve had the stuffing knocked out of you but had no time to think .With active treatment ending you are hitting the wall. It is a scarey time as the future opens up and you are out on your own again but that is why bc support groups are so important at this point plus if you want it maybe counselling to support you through this rough patch.

It is hard getting back into your life before all this as your confidence is low and you are not the same.Maggie T wrote once about no matter how she feels she makes the effort - if you practice your former life doing as much as you are able to do it will come back.I was scared to walk fearing I’d die and had my husband walk the same route leaving later initially to “pick up the body”. Seriously . And I’d approach things with an intensity I did not have formerly - the Encore program showed me I was not alone as it took weeks for newbies to unwind whilst old hands just enjoyed themselves.

Get some of that sparkle back by practising some of what you did before. Maybe you will tire a bit easily for a while and take things a bit more seriously at times but life is still good and so are you.It will ease with time with the occasional blips of fear emerging when 6 monthly checks occur but whilst formerly the medical flurry made you feel safe , now living life will.All the positive pats you formerly received from others will put Humpty back together - that is why making yourself get out there is important even if you don’t feel like it.

You are a lucky lady having the support of a good loving man - talk to him about how you feel and allow him to be the wind beneath your wings whilst you teeter a bit learning to fly again. XO

I know I know @Romla and I feel so shallow by fretting about it, but it's how I'm feeling right now.

At the beginning of last year, at aged 50, I missed a period for the first time since I started menstruating, apart from when I was pregnant and breast feeding. I was (absurdly!) shocked and it shook me somewhat. They resumed the following month but I had several months of processing and thinking, at the end of which I felt I had adjusted to what was clearly about to happen. This time of my life was coming to an end. I had resolved to slide as gracefully as possible into menopause. I didn't have many grey hairs and thought that as I was now in my fifties that I wouldn't worry about dyeing it, that I'd go silver fox fabulous. I felt I was as ready as I could be. But, I was counting on it being gradual.

I missed one other period last year but I was still menstruating in November. Then that f******g bastard breast cancer and boom, no more periods. And now boom again, no more oestrogen at all. I am upset. It's yet another thing that this disease is taking from me. It's taken my sister, my breasts, my happiness, in a way it's taken my innocence, and now it's stealing the last vestiges of my youth in one fell swoop.

I'll adjust of course, I'll get used to it. Thank you for your kind words about character. I've never been considered beautiful by me or anyone else. My grief and anger is less about looks (though I'm really not looking forward to the wrinkles) and more about the physical aspects of youth. For example I don't have any joint pain now but I probably will in a few weeks.

I have quite a few older friends and of course I value and admire them. My husband is nine years older than me and so is in his sixties... and he's a spunk in my eyes! This reaction is intensely personal and all in my head.

I was hoping for gradual and graceful. Cancer has made it scarred and harsh. It is my lot in life, but at least I have a life. I'll get there one day. I'm not close to celebrating it yet, it currently feels like a never ending battle, but I hope to one day. I just need time to be angry and grieve first.

@Annie C I did ask eye specialist about side effects of Letrozole on my eyes before starting and he did some research and said there were none.

@Annie C that is a most interesting post as I have just undergone a trabulectomy as my eye pressure has been unable to be contained under drops or laser.I also have a small leak from the bleb post operatively. I would be very keen to access any information on this esp as this has only happened since my bc diagnosis.

@kmakm Letrozole is prescribed for post menopausal women as our bodies convert fat in our breasts to oestrogen.Menopause inevitably brings changes to our appearance and we need to accept this and move on.

I have noticed in my older years that we tend to become invisible to others and I am as guilty as anyone noticing attractive younger people more so than older people.I think character is what sets us apart not looks and you have that clearly both in spades .Have a think about the magnificent older men and women whom you find fascinating to listen to or be with be it family , friends or famous people then think of the vacuous who trade on looks alone and how boring they are.Buck up buckaroo I’d still rather spend time with you wrinkly than the Kardashians ! Sadly these days there is a lot in the media of shallow vacuous people - the only blessing is they rarely speak thank goodness because when they do it’s usually cringeworthy.

PS I had cause to reflect on this too this past year becoming involved with a local bc support group of older ladies - one in particular whom in her late 70s set me straight about exercise and enjoying life - she still travels extensively   - I admire her greatly and always will. I am also the youngest in the exercise class I do twice weekly - initially I was shocked by the sea of white hair but learned quickly they had carefully designed the exercises that they themselves lead - some having lifetimes in sport and fitness and still dynamically involved.As a group they can be very funny - was shocked one day about a risqué joke a gentle ex preschool teacher of 78 told - they are intelligent , kind and supportive and above all they accept me as I am including my relative youth.The only difference I have noticed really is expletives are not used so I am careful with my language.Like in any group there are diverse personalities but this mob have a lot of get up and go which suits me just fine.

Don’t mourn loss celebrate your life. XO

@tigerbeth, I too was prescribed Letrazole (Femera) by my breast surgeon. I have refused to take it. My reasoning was the side effects were not worth the 6% reduction in a recurrence. My most serious worry was about the effect on eye sight - retinal bleeds, retinal detachments and worsening of glaucoma. As i have had and have all 3 and now only have central sight in my left eye having lost the sight in my right eye due to a retinal detachment I was understandably concerned. When I mentioned this to my breast surgeon, her comment was "it might not happen" and "when your breast cancer returns be it on your own head".  I sacked her!  Found a more understanding breast physician who was confortable with my decision.

@Romla I have always read your Letrozole information with interest and appreciate your matter-of-fact getting on with it attitude. Don't worry, I often use the search bar here! Very useful.

I've had my DEXA and I'm starting from a good place on that front. I'm not sure if a baseline cholesterol has been done, I'll check.

After six months of BC I can feel my body and mind craving a return to 'normal'. It's frustrating and sad that instead of allowing that to happen I have to artificially rip all the oestrogen from my body and prematurely age myself. However, needs must. The pulse is the thing, even if it is stiff and wrinkly.