Forum Discussion
Here Goes
Hello. My name is Jenny and I live on the NSW/Vic Border. I have gone to post in here a couple of times but backed out. Denial maybe?
On Wednesday I was officially given the diagnosis of BC. I have had a large lump for around a year but I have 26JJ sized breasts and the lump is down along where the bra wire sits. I put it down to thickening because of the bra wire. I recently started Lite N Easy and after loosing around 10kg I noticed that the lump was much larger than I thought. It has its own postcode ;p Its 5cm x 3cm x 2cm.
So I did the mammo and ultrasound and knew when I called for results, that the urgency by my GP to get me in to see her, that something was very wrong. That day I had bloods, CT scan and was booked in for biopsy. All along I was doing as much research as possible. Armed with knowledge I have always found it easier to deal with things. Must be part of the anxiety I have day in and out.
I met my surgeon on Wednesday who gave me the diagnosis. I was alone at the appointment and was in shock, none the less. I guess I was hoping it was just a mass that they just wanted to remove for safety sake. I do remember asking him what type of Cancer and I vaguely remember him saying Metastatic and that its very common. I am booked in for a lumpectomy and node removal on the 22nd. (Tuesday Week). I am then too do 5 weeks radiation.
I've got all of that in my head and ready to deal with. But now I am reading all of the paraphernalia and Metastatic means I have it in other places in my body? Do they know where? Does this mean I will probably have to do chemo after radiation?
I know I am overthinking all of this and should take it one day at a time. I work 3 days a week and also on partial DSP. Being at work keeps my mind off things. I am planning on taking vacation leave for the rest of the week after my lumpectomy. I am so grateful that my oldest of 2 (daughter) is able to travel up from Melbourne to bring me home from the surgery and stay with me for a couple of days.
Another questions. I had been using implannon rod to control my periods, over the years. The last one was put in around 2011 and is still in my arm somewhere. As I have very thick arms I cant feel it and haven't bothered about it. I believe that it has run out of the hormones anyway after all of this time. Is this something I should tell my surgeon about?
I have so many questions. When will I start radiation? Will someone contact me or do I contact them?
I met my Breast Care Nurse but she was heading on vacation to France the next day. I have the number of another one and I will phone her and make contact with her this week.
It's like my whole life is about the Cancer now. I am being strong in front of everyone else but these times at home alone I am terrified.
Sorry if this is all over the shop but that is how my head works. I have been treated and continue to be treated for Depression an Anxiety for close to 20 years and have only recently found a good balance. The Lite N Easy journey was me actually caring about myself. Some days I shake so much it looks like I am having a min seizure.
Usually I am upbeat and cheeky and able to find the lighter sign of things. But tonight I am low.
Any insights would be wonderful.
365 Replies
- @TabooGal never feel that you’re being stupid about it - you’re 100% normal and human! Every feeling and emotion is 100% OK and validated. The important thing is that you can find ways to cope, and it sounds like you’ve your ‘go to’ mechanisms in place for a while.
Dont hestitate to ask for help whenever you need it - just be kind to yourself and attack those demons head on. Never stupid. Xxxx - @kmakm Thank you for the reassuring words. I think I need to stop reading about the side effects too.
@Eastmum I'm glad I am not the only one with all of this anxiety. Am sure once I've had the first one I'll be right for the rest of them. Then my stupid mind will go into overdrive about the next stage, radiation
Big hugs to you both xx - Hi @TabooGal - I totally get that you want chemo to just hurry up and start! I was exactly the same. The sooner it starts, the sooner you know what it will be like, and anticipation is always the worst part!
My husband drove me to my first session and I got a cab home but I was absolutely fine to drive, and have driven myself to and from each treatment since. I would not have anticipated that though, so arranging transport for your first session is the best idea.
Don’t be surprised if it takes a while for your hair to start falling out. There’s a wide range of experiences on here but mine didn’t really start coming out until about 3 days after my 2nd AC chemo. That’s when I really noticed it was coming out in clumps and that’s when I had it cut really short. I still had masses of hair at that time though. I don’t think I would have been ready to cut it before I was losing hair big time - for me, it was a pretty big step.
We’re counting the days with you! And if there’s any strength in collective support then you’ve got masses of it right here!
You’ve absolutely got this @TabooGal
Sending you loads of hugs xxxxxxx - Yep, I agree with @Zoffiel. You just don't know how you're going to react to your first one so it's best to arrange a lift to and from. After that you'll know what you're capable of. I had an allergic reaction to Docetaxel and had to have Phenergan as a result. It made me so dopey & sleepy there's no way I could drive home from any of my infusions.
You're absolutely right about trying to stay in the moment and living one day at a time. There's no point in crossing bridges until you come to them. And that applies to life, not just breast cancer.
Of course it's easy to say but harder to do! I was a mess before my first chemo. Do your best and reassure yourself with knowing that you're not alone, that most everyone one here has done/is doing it, and never forget why. We're all aiming for as long and as healthy a life as we can manage. Eyes on the prize lovely. Big hug, K xox @arpie I live quite close to a Cancer Centre so am lucky in that way. That's why I thought I would be ok to drive. Its only 10 minutes each way at the most. But have decided to get assistance to get there in case I am too unwell after infusion. I cant imagine all of the travelling you had to do.
@sister I honestly believe I know what it is like to be bi-polar now. I swing from one mood to the other in minutes.
- @TabooGal The anxiety about the unknown can be crippling. I have ( and still do) swing from positive and confident to the dark place where I can't believe things will be okay.
I would advise getting someone to come with you for chemo if you can - someone you trust to give you support and be yoyr advocate. You don't know how you will feel going in (anxious, probably) and you may be knocked sideways by the first chemo. Good luck. - Gosh, @TabooGal
I hope you are feeling less stressed by what your Onc said .... they have to tell you (within reason) the likely outcomes - but that all sounds a bit harsh to me! :(
I just try to think that 'It Is What It Is' and we are doing the best to turn it around, by all our surgery, radiation, chemo & tablets - and whatever else we do!
Where abouts do you live? Do you have far to travel to hospital/treatments?
Our local Breast Care Group arranges driving BC folk to either Taree or Port Macquarie for their chemo - tho for my radiation I took advantage of staying at the Rotary Lodge in Port Macquarie (which is heavily subsidised = low cost, but high living standards!) and basically stayed there for the 4 weeks.
When my husband was having his cancer surgery in RNSH in Sydney - we also got a massively reduced daily carpark rate too. Definitely ask for a social worker to see what you can be helped with. I had one of my major bills 'paid for' during my treatment as well (i.e., council, power, water rates etc) - a saving of $400! The Social Worker arranged it for me.
Thinking of you big time .... take care & all the best xxx - @Joannie I have just sent an SMS to my Breastcare Nurse to see if she can organize patient transport for me.
- Thanks @Zoffiel. I have had people ask to take me but I am stupid proud and independent. But you're right. Will ask around. Xxx
