Maxine

Annette, sorry I didn't answer your question about which chemo I'm on at present.  I began with ER - Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide which I had originally back in 1993.  This time in 2010  ER made me quite ill so it was stopped.  Next was Abraxane which I had for a while but also made me ill - Navelbine followed - same result. Referred to another Onc who prescribed Carboplatin - finally something that was really good, virtually no side-effects, lots of motivation and energy.  After 2 years on this it stopped working so I had it in combination with Gemzar - not good.  Now am on CMF, an old combination around for about 20 years but is making a bit of a comeback and have now had 4 cycles - yet to find out if it's working.

We're all different and some women have little or no side-effects but the good thing is that there are lots of chemo drugs out there and more coming, so if one doesn't suit just keeping trying.

Re the dark thoughts that we all have - for me it took time to be able push these thoughts away and my solution 3 years ago was to buy a laptop and I began writing anything: not a novel, a bit late in my life for that but my life story - and many other topics - I have 3 blogs - I find writing a wonderful distraction and keeps those thoughts at bay.  Not everyone wants to do that but it helped me and kept my mind focused and absorbed on other things besides my diagnosis. 

Maggie xx