Im new here

Hi @Bird  Everything that @kmakm said.  The only thing I can add is that I found walking helped me - for some reason it was the only time that my thoughts could sort themselves out.  I'd often come home and blurt it all out on my blog or this site!  I'm not in your position and so don't like to advise too much but scared is scared. Do try to take it one step at a time - easier said than done but it really is the only way.  Do you have a treatment plan?  Knowing what your pathway is going to be, even if it may change, may help.