Ah @Mellyb we have all had a rude intro into the realities of BC. The most frustrating thing is the lack of consistency--what works for one person has zero effect for someone else. It's very cruel and contributes to the constant anxiety that many of us suffer. That old saying 'everyone is different' gains a whole new perspective.
On thing that is pretty constant is the need to be able to let off some steam and have a good vent about the shittiness of it all. Like many others here I occasionally use a shrink or counselor. It's a good opportunity to test drive difficult conversations in a non judgemental space where you are not going to upset people you care about and have no need to censor your feelings. You just pay to dump it all on someone who might, just might, be able to give you some tips. If you haven't investigated this option, have a think about it. Not for everyone (because everyone is different) but it helps some. Marg xxx