Forum Discussion

Queendonut's avatar
Queendonut
Member
6 years ago

Survivor guilt

Feeling something this week I didn’t expect. Almost 2 years down the track from diagnosis and mastectomy I lost a close friend to the big C this week. Younger than me. We grew up together- families very close. Couldn’t believe how hard it impacted me- more than losing anyone before. After a few days I have come to the conclusion that I feel it is GUILT...why did I survive and she didn’t. `cancer sux. 
emotions
survivorship
  • GABBYG's avatar
    GABBYG
    Member
    6 years ago
    Totally understandable I have just lost my best friend to HER metastatic she survived 4 yrs but she certainly gave it her best shot. I didn't think I was feeling guilt at the time but then suddenly something came over me and I went into depression stage. It took a lot for  me to seek some guidance but I am feeling for you as it's a tough one. I don't deal with the word survivor very well either as I don't see myself as this
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    6 years ago
    Living in a smaller community I sadly hear of all those that have lost their fight. It is gut wrentching. Yes guilt but also fear if I am next. It's complex the emotions we feel and life seems so bloody unfair. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    #fuckcancer
  • Queendonut's avatar
    Queendonut
    Member
    6 years ago
    Thanks for your words- I guess the grieving was just so different with this loss. I felt lots of anger but with the realisation that much of this was that ‘misplaced’ guilt I have been able to feel calmer. I agree my friend would not want me to feel guilty. I guess I was just so surprised that this feeling was so overwhelming. 
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    6 years ago
    It’s understandable but truly not helpful. We are all hard wired for survival - sometimes that wiring gets bashed along the way but it’s a protective mechanism that stops us dwelling on how risky life really can be. All sorts of things could derail us - it’s a miracle they often don’t. Our survival didn’t reduce someone else’s chance. If you believe in an omnipotent god or fate, you may find the reason why there. Or, like me, you may simply accept there is no complicated reason, it’s just chance again. You were fortunate, in time, in responding to treatment, your friend unfortunately wasn’t. Would she want you to feel guilt? Feel sadness, feel determination to remember her, but please don’t feel guilt. It’s corrosive and it does not belong with you. Best wishes.