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Caz1's avatar
Caz1
Member
5 years ago

Feeling ordinary

 Ok ,so I’m a few months post treatment finishing.  Day by day, I’m feeling slowly better and so glad to be here. Grateful for my care.  In some ways I feel really lucky! Life seems more magical in some ways, and I am mostly  enjoying my second chance at it. Heck, yesterday I went on a flying fox at a park! Lol  :D

But.  I still have a little voice nagging me with uncertainty.....that maybe it’s going to come back.  I’m currently feeling achy, and I’m so scared it’s going to my bones. How do other “ survivors “ deal with these feelings? Today, I’m feeling like such a fraud calling myself a “survivor”..... maybe my happy days are over....
(I’m seeing my oncologist next week for routine check)

Maybe it’s just a bad day. I’m just a bit flat.

Caz x

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  • Locksley's avatar
    Locksley
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @Caz1
    Congratulations on going on the flying fox.   I'm afraid the rope would break under the strain of my butt!
    I like the word "Thriver" as it really resonates with me that we are trying to do so much more than survive.  You are not a fraud.   I am also grateful for the care I had and the second chance I have.  I am trying to find something I am grateful for each day.    Do you have a counsellor you can check in with from time to time.  Sending you hugs.   xxx
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    5 years ago
    A ‘routine check’ can trigger all sorts of ordinariness! You are immediately reminded of why you are having the check. It does get better, hang in there. 
  • Cath62's avatar
    Cath62
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @Caz1, I am a year since diagnosis and feel healthy. Yes little doubts pop up from time to time but I push it away and focus on the now and daily joy of being here. I express gratitude daily and exercise and I think these things help stay in the moment and stay positive about the future. I just climed a mountain with 900 stairs so 1800 stairs up and down. I amazed myself. I am going to do a flying fox in June as part of a tree top challenge. I feel good. We are thriving in being cancer free and we are not frauds. We are amazing! Be proud of yourself. Keep doing it all. 
  • FLClover's avatar
    FLClover
    Member
    5 years ago
    Life to me seems more magical too @Caz1. I can’t explain it, but I have different feelings towards things and places. So much better than feeling ‘whatever’. 
    I went on a flying fox too about 2 weeks ago. It was sprinkling and I was dirty with sand. Usually my nightmare scenario, but this time I didn’t care cos I was having so much fun. 
    And yes, there’s always that nagging little fear that it could be taken away. But just push it away, and continue having your fun 
    And you’re not a fraud in any way for calling yourself a survivor. Actually you’re not a survivor, you’re a thriver. Words are important so choose carefully 🙂. You beat this bas***d and now you’re thriving. Make sure you enjoy as much of it as you can. 
    And maybe talk to a counsellor about possible PTSD, especially around scan/test time ♥️