Hi all I'm grateful that I've gotten through invasive treatment and life has kind of gone back to normal, although I'm still working out my 'new normal'. I finished rads 6 week ago and have been on Tamoxifen for the last couple of weeks. I've been very tired, which I know could be an after effect of rads, and am also very nervous about the potential horrible side effects of Tamo. I've also been very depressed and seemingly small things set me off. I really don't care about my job anymore, which in a way is a good thing, as it means I no longer work 60 hour weeks. I'm only working a regular full-time load. But it's making me very depressed and I'm considering a career change, but don't think I have the energy to start a new job. But everyone - apart from my partner - seems to think I should be ok. I have to have a performance review with my boss next week and talk about my 'career goals'. I no longer have any! Not working 60 hours a week is it! No doubt not wanting to climb the ladder is going to go against me - and I've been told before that if I don't go for promotion, I'll eventually be sacked. Up or out. But I'm really tired of other people saying that I should be thankful for my supposedly fabulous job. A close friend also advised me to 'stop being so negative' about my work. Telling a depressed person to not be negative!! I know I should probably see a counsellor, but I don't have the energy to deal with all that emotion...So, really, just a little vent to people who'll understand. Thanks all.

Thank you everyone - you're all wonderful! I was having a particularly bad day - but you're right @kezmusc, I got through that day, and the next couple haven't been so bad. And yes, long-term, big goals, are just beyond my comprehension at the moment. And I do do things just for me. I have a sport I love and train regularly, I take my lovely dogs out for walks, so I am getting some 'me' time. And you're right @Afraser - I haven't liked my job for a long time, but am taking time and space to work out what I want to do next. Thanks again everyone, you've helped so much.

I only say what I'm comfortable for the world to know on the open forum. I save more private stuff for the PMs and closed groups.

@rose @iserbrown is right...no way are you a fraud. I thought i had a relatively easy path through bc, 2 lumpectomies, no rads, no chemo, just hormone therapy. But whatever path your bc went it still hits you in ways that you least expect and that's the hard part. Would i have coped any better if my husband hadn't had prostate cancer at the same time? I like to think i would've but i don't know. Do i still hanker after the old me...you bet i do...the one who could perform any task without having to think how to do it without hurting a particular part of my body, my hands mainly. Go see that counsellor again because it sounds like you need it and like iserbrown said if you have any leave up your sleeve take it to give yourself time to take stock of where your life is now and where you want want it to go. Do what makes you happy. Cathxx

I consider I got through relatively easily - mastectomy, chemo, herceptin and still on AIs - but no nausea, fatigue, chemo brain or depression. But a good counsellor (consulted when I hit my third long term side effect) clarified my thinking of what was 'normal' considerably. I was handling cancer just fine, but was I really anticipating keeping up a 60 hour week, what were my career wishes, what was I working to achieve? It wan't so much that cancer had changed my ideas, more that I had been ignoring signs of what I didn't want/like for some time prior to diagnosis. A life threatening illness, no matter how 'lightly' you get off, is likely to force some reconsiderations about how you want to spend your time! I'm still the same person, I haven't turned into someone different - but I focus better on how I spend my time, who I spend it with and what gives me satisfaction. Small steps, not necessarily doing impulsive things that you may later regret, will get you where you need to be in the long run. Best wishes.

Depression is the worst aspect i had to deal with. I think after telling myself and my hubby about 3 times 'i think i need to see someone' i finally did and yes it helped. It went totally against the grain because I'd always been able to work through lifes ups and downs myself. This time i couldn't. It doesn't help when other people think that you should be ok...cos really you're not. That takes time, lots of long walks to help clear your head and sometimes help from someone who is trained and also doesn't know you from a bar of soap! If you're able to i think a few people in your life need to be told exactly how you are feeling right now because to honest, they don't have a clue, not having been through what you have. I was brutally honest with a couple of people and yes it did it make a difference afterwards. Try not to focus on the potential side effects of the drug. You may be one of the lucky ones who don't cop it as bad. Time is great healer, so the saying goes and it's true. I kept telling myself, give it 12 months cos it's going to take that long for things to settle down and it did and it has. Most of all, be kind to yourself @rose Cathxx

Coping with the 'new normal' | BCNA Online Network

22 Replies

kezmusc
Member
7 years ago
Hey @rose,

What you're describing is absolutely and completely normal. I like to call this bit "limbo land". You kind of just float along not really knowing what to do or where to go. Your days are no longer filled with treatment and appointments and you have no goal posts to chase. Just get through the surgery, next goal get through chemo, next just get through rads, then you're done and feel well, plain out lost.

Everyone assumes that once treatment is done you get better right? i would have probably thought that way too I guess. They just don't know that the hardest part comes after the treatment.

You will find a lot of us have posted very similar things after treatment ends.

Your head is still swimming trying to work out what the hell just happened and it does take a long time for most people to get through. The first year is the hardest and then surprisingly the shit can just show up whenever it wants down the track. The spaces between "cloudy fog of doom" get further apart as you go along. Not helpful now obviously but it will improve.

The next time someone says you should be thankful for anything ask them if they would be thankful to get cancer and have their life turned upside down? That will stop them dead in their tracks guaranteed. You're thankful they got it and you were treated but that's about it at this stage. All normal lovely.

The big long term projects and goals seem insurmountable and so far away when you're in limbo land. Everyday things and conversations at work seem trivial and some boarder on the ridiculous after what you have been through. This improves also and you no longer want to slap someone if they complain they got a skinny latte instead of a cappucino.

Looking too far into the future is difficult somedays and big goals, well you just don't have the will power....yet.

Just get through today and that will be fine. Then you do the same tomorrow. That in itself is a huge achievement.

Look after you lovely.
Everyone is here for you, we all get it. Deep breaths.

xoxoxo
Artferret
Member
7 years ago
Depression is the worst aspect i had to deal with. I think after telling myself and my hubby about 3 times 'i think i need to see someone' i finally did and yes it helped. It went totally against the grain because I'd always been able to work through lifes ups and downs myself. This time i couldn't. It doesn't help when other people think that you should be ok...cos really you're not. That takes time, lots of long walks to help clear your head and sometimes help from someone who is trained and also doesn't know you from a bar of soap! If you're able to i think a few people in your life need to be told exactly how you are feeling right now because to honest, they don't have a clue, not having been through what you have. I was brutally honest with a couple of people and yes it did it make a difference afterwards. Try not to focus on the potential side effects of the drug. You may be one of the lucky ones who don't cop it as bad. Time is great healer, so the saying goes and it's true. I kept telling myself, give it 12 months cos it's going to take that long for things to settle down and it did and it has. Most of all, be kind to yourself @rose
Cathxx

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