Thanks girls. My family don't really get that I can't be "positive". I tell them I'm as realistic as I can be, and some days I'll be down or sad or accepting of what is or mad as can be about it. NO ONE knows what the future wil be and I'll handle it as best I can, get what help I feel I need to face whatever it is. Being positive is akin to putting my head in the sand, ( and in that position my rear is a huge target and I really am vulnerable, not comforted). Hugs to all out there struggling, this ain't easy.