Forum Discussion
Who me ?
"Come back for another scan, there's a grey area"
That was just over 4 weeks ago, and I thought "who, me ?" I was so sure it was just a bruise from when I had fallen some weeks before, and then they started scanning in a different spot . . .
*It's very small" "we've caught it early " "you'll be fine"
There's a little part of my head that just won't let me believe those things right now.
I have a wonderful surgeon who has done the wide excision and the sentinel node biopsy (results next Tuesday) and a fabulous support network including my family, my collegues at work and my old Nursing Mothers group - we've been friends forever, nearly 30 years, and their love is astounding.
I am talking positively to myself every day, filling myself with good thoughts, moving forward. Everything so far has been very smooth, and fast. But that fear of the unknown is inescapable in the middle of the night - what if it is already somewhere else ? Is my slightly upset tummy just nerves, or something sinister ? How do I know that my aching legs are just menopausal ? How will I stop myself from bombarding my doctor wih requests for cancer scans on every part of my body ?
How do you cope with that ? Can anyone offer any thoughts ?
120 Replies
How frustrating - I have already answered this post twice but my connection keeps dropping out...
Perhaps if you ask at your day unit, there may be a chat group your son could contact who have experience with Aspergers? Its amazing how many avenues of support we can find on this trip! Bugger about your Mum's birthday - I guess a long phone call will have to do for this year :-)
I am about to check out a website address I have been given from an aquaintance who had her own journey through breast cancer and has made it a life challenge to make it easier for those of us following to make our way through with more help. There are apparently lots of suggestions for managing chemo/radiation reaction symptoms. If I find it helpful, I would be happy to pass the address on if you like..?
Thanks for the updates - you make it real and manageable for me! Stay well :-)
What a good thought - I don't know if he will though. He has Aspergers syndrome so social situations are awkward for him but I will let him know that there are options, thanks. He seems to be handling it, he is loving running the kitchen which is great ! At least when he gets out on his own I will know he can feed himself.
Bloated - YES !!!!!! me to, I hate that feeling. The migraine returned this morning, along with awful heartburn - yeah thanks - and now I am feeling very faint, wanting to lie down a lot. Total crap cos it's my mum's birthday, she's 96, and I wanted to drive up for the afternoon tea but prob not a good idea. Hope this passes soon.
Oh well, I guess it could be a whole lot worse ?
Keeping on
magicmum
- Day 2 for me (I think - does it count that way when I had the first session yesterday?). The Taxotere was fine though I didn't like the frozie gloves... I had a reaction to the Cyclophosphamide that sent my chest all buzzy which slowed the process whilst the tests were made on me to ascertain that it was normal - luckily it was. We'll know to expect it next time. I feel fine so far except for aching legs and not much sleep thanks to the Dexamethasone. It's worth it for the lack of nausea :-) I feel very bloated when I eat and am keeping the water up to flush my kidneys - I'm peeing like a tap! It will be interesting to see what happens next.... I must confess I feel very nervous.. the staff at the unit are sooo helpful! has anyone suggested your 19yr old get in touch with CANTEEN? I had a chat with my 20yr old daughter last night and she is going to give them a call. I don't think she is handling all this as much as she is pretending to. She was struck with sudden nausea when she tried to take me in for my treatment and i had to drive back home and put her to bed with a bucket then head for the bus stop. She was very upset..
I woke up with a migraine today - now I ask you, is that fair ? You'd think the migraine fairy could give me a break for the duration. Took my pills, had a shower, slept - but then the rest of the day is spent in a fog of bleeehhhhh. Not wanting to eat much today, mouth is starting to hurt a little, maybe getting thrush ? Tongue is a bit furrier than normal. Treating for that in case. Bit gummed up, but trying to eat more fruit and my sister says almonds are good. Bloated, you know, just not quite right. SO hard to make myself exercise when I know that will help.
I continue to be so blessed by my family - my 19 yr old asked if he could go and spend some time with friends this weekend, "Will you be ok ?" He checked that his dad would be here for me, he is SO protective. I have to be the luckiest lady.
I am still thinking positive - but there are moments, you know them, when the reality hits.
keeping on,
magicmum
How lovely ! I love my woodfire, I can sit watching the coals for hours. Reminds me so much of my dad. We used to imagine buildings and wonderful screatures in the shapes when I was little.
Nice times for you and your daughter.
love
Keitha
I like that ! Warriors indeed, and we will win.
Happy to have you along on the blog. I find it so helpful to write down what I'm feeling, I don't know how it helps but it does. And hearing other stories puts a perspective on my own - I glad that my good experience gives you hope, that's great. Just keep on with the positive thoughts, push away the fears and bad ones. I'm SURE it's working.
HER2 neg is wonderful, way to go. You will come through just fine.
Keep on keeping on.
Keitha (magicmum)
Hi MagicMum. Thanks so much for your blog. It has been like reading a novel full of heroines :-) I have been able to follow not only your story but also the other ladies (warrior princesses) who have posted support. I cant believe how much we have in common! I too have four grown children and recieved my diagnosis just one day before you - 13mm DCIS with E+P positive - however my HER2 was negative (which is a positive fact, isnt it). My sentinel nodes showed microscopic metastis in one of the two nodes removed so that I too must have 4 cycles of T/C chemo, 5 weeks of radiation and 5yrs of hormone therapy. My first session of chemo is this Friday July 6 and I feel heartened to read of your positive experience from yesterday. It gives me hope! I look forward to comparing notes with you as we go. Thanks for being so strong and thanks to all who make us stronger :-)
I've had a good day so I just KNOW you are going to as well. I am keeping all fingers and toes crossed my love, keep that positive thought going. The migraine is for sure nerevs and stress. I had a headache last night too but it didn't turn into migraine thank heavens.
I will hold you in my thoughts all day, please let me know how you go. Think good thoughts, think wellness, think "I'm beating this little sucker !!"
loads of love
Keitha
Hey Julie, Thanks for you lovely wishes of support. Keep crossing your fingers for Keitha and I. Just a few hours to go until my surgery and beginning to feel very nervous.Will no doubt post more as the hours unwind.
Best wishes and much love,
Sue
Hey Julie, Thanks for you lovely wishes of support. Keep crossing your fingers for Keitha and I. Just a few hours to go until my surgery and beginning to feel very nervous.Will no doubt post more as the hours unwind.
Best wishes and much love,
Sue
