Forum Discussion
magicmum
14 years agoMember
Who me ?
"Come back for another scan, there's a grey area"
That was just over 4 weeks ago, and I thought "who, me ?" I was so sure it was just a bruise from when I had fallen some weeks before, and then they started scanning in a different spot . . .
*It's very small" "we've caught it early " "you'll be fine"
There's a little part of my head that just won't let me believe those things right now.
I have a wonderful surgeon who has done the wide excision and the sentinel node biopsy (results next Tuesday) and a fabulous support network including my family, my collegues at work and my old Nursing Mothers group - we've been friends forever, nearly 30 years, and their love is astounding.
I am talking positively to myself every day, filling myself with good thoughts, moving forward. Everything so far has been very smooth, and fast. But that fear of the unknown is inescapable in the middle of the night - what if it is already somewhere else ? Is my slightly upset tummy just nerves, or something sinister ? How do I know that my aching legs are just menopausal ? How will I stop myself from bombarding my doctor wih requests for cancer scans on every part of my body ?
How do you cope with that ? Can anyone offer any thoughts ?
120 Replies
- magicmumMember
Hi Coco & Dan, welcome to my blog - more than happy to have you along. I get so much from reading other stories and from sharing my fears too Coco, it helps A LOT !!!!
Today was ok - I was working so that always helps to make the day go fast. A few down moments when I think about the what ifs and my tummy stars churning again, but nothing I can do to stop that right now. It's all a waiting game until I know how the chemo is going to affect me. Once the first one is under my belt I will be able to face the others with some sort of plan. bit like childbirth isn't it ? You can read all the books and listen to all the stories but until it's actually happening to YOU it is impossible to really imagine or understand. I am psyching myself into having a good experience with minimal side effects. :)
I wish I was younger Dan, then I wuld go for multiple fun wigs too, but I'm too old. (Yes I am !!! I'm not being precious - my job needs serious elegance) I will give it a try if I can find one that looks like my own hair, but otherwise I'm ok with scarves and wraps, I don't mind if people know why, maybe if more do they'll go and have mammograms and donate to research.
God luck to both of you with your treatment - and do keep positive, there's truly no point to anything else. If you like reading, have a go at The Power of Now. It's a very strong powerful book I'm working my way through. Yu don't have to be religious, but you can be if you want - it works either way.
loads of love
Keitha
- magicmumMember
Hi Coco & Dan, welcome to my blog - more than happy to have you along. I get so much from reading other stories and from sharing my fears too Coco, it helps A LOT !!!!
Today was ok - I was working so that always helps to make the day go fast. A few down moments when I think about the what ifs and my tummy stars churning again, but nothing I can do to stop that right now. It's all a waiting game until I know how the chemo is going to affect me. Once the first one is under my belt I will be able to face the others with some sort of plan. bit like childbirth isn't it ? You can read all the books and listen to all the stories but until it's actually happening to YOU it is impossible to really imagine or understand. I am psyching myself into having a good experience with minimal side effects. :)
I wish I was younger Dan, then I wuld go for multiple fun wigs too, but I'm too old. (Yes I am !!! I'm not being precious - my job needs serious elegance) I will give it a try if I can find one that looks like my own hair, but otherwise I'm ok with scarves and wraps, I don't mind if people know why, maybe if more do they'll go and have mammograms and donate to research.
God luck to both of you with your treatment - and do keep positive, there's truly no point to anything else. If you like reading, have a go at The Power of Now. It's a very strong powerful book I'm working my way through. Yu don't have to be religious, but you can be if you want - it works either way.
loads of love
Keitha
- magicmumMember
Thanks Chris, good to hear your chemo experience wasn't totally awful. I'll work with that !! I am going to have a look at myself in wigs, and a dear friend who is a designer is going to make me some special headgear ! So I'll be well covered whatever I choose.
If you hadn't said your pic was a wig I wouldn't have known !
******************
Di,
Indeed, Winnie often has just the right thoughts when we need him.
love
Keitha
- Di_BCNAMember
Any day that has a Winne the Pooh quote in it is a good one!
Glad you're having a better day Keitha. :)
Di
- ChrisMemberHi Keitha, I am sorry to hear that you do need chemo and will lose your hair. This time last year I was completely bald, having finished chemo at the end of March. It took awhile to grow back, but by the end of September I had enough coverage to go out uncovered. Last week I had my 7th haircut. It has grown back curly and not as grey as I thought it would be. I am colouring it again, and my curles are still bouncy. I have never had curly hair before, unless I permed it. My curls could last for another 12 months. I used to wear a selection of different head gear, but after a few months wore a wig mostly. I found an excellent wig which looked very normal ( check out my profile photo ). Also, my daughter, (22 at the time), said that she could almost forget that I had cancer when I wore my wig, because it was so good. That comment made me more inclined to wear the wig as it made others feel better. Good luck with your chemo. I was one of the lucky ones, who had very minimal side effects from chemo, so not everyone gets knocked about badly from the drugs. I hope you will be one of them. Love Chris xx
- magicmumMember
I can't imagine what it would be like without the Net. How do people manage ? I wouldn't survive without this support, I would go crazy.
Thanks for all your replies - I'm my old self again today. Positive hat on again. haha - going to need that !! Plenty of hats anyway !!! Luckily it's winter so woolly hats are right in - yayy !
How do you all feel about wigs ? I'm thinking that for my job (which I LOVE and hope to be able to keep doing - it's only casual and I can chose when/if to go which is fab) I might need to have hair. I'm a front of house person in a theatre and a concert hall - I am going to experiment with sleek black scarves so that might work.
Has anyone tried acupuncture for relaxation ? I have used it many times over the years for a range of problems and I wonder if it might be helpful for me. I will ask my onc what she thinks of course but would be happy to know if someone has had a good experience.
I'm ready for bad days but also trying to think positive thoughts too so that they're as good as they can be.
Moving forward - sooner I start the closer I am to the finish.
huge love
Keitha
I saw this on a HER2 support site and liked it right away:
Said Christopher Robin to Pooh: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
- magicmumMember
I can't imagine what it would be like without the Net. How do people manage ? I wouldn't survive without this support, I would go crazy.
Thanks for all your replies - I'm my old self again today. Positive hat on again. haha - going to need that !! Plenty of hats anyway !!! Luckily it's winter so woolly hats are right in - yayy !
How do you all feel about wigs ? I'm thinking that for my job (which I LOVE and hope to be able to keep doing - it's only casual and I can chose when/if to go which is fab) I might need to have hair. I'm a front of house person in a theatre and a concert hall - I am going to experiment with sleek black scarves so that might work.
Has anyone tried acupuncture for relaxation ? I have used it many times over the years for a range of problems and I wonder if it might be helpful for me. I will ask my onc what she thinks of course but would be happy to know if someone has had a good experience.
I'm ready for bad days but also trying to think positive thoughts too so that they're as good as they can be.
Moving forward - sooner I start the closer I am to the finish.
huge love
Keitha
I saw this on a HER2 support site and liked it right away:
Said Christopher Robin to Pooh: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
- TonyaMMember
When I had my first bc diagnosis back in 2003 I went crazy with my research. I was 47 with no family history of bc,don't smoke/drink,eat fairly healthy,not fat etc etc. After reading so many books on cancer and talking with many women during my treatments there didn't seem to be an answer.I talked to all sorts of women with bc(tiny,Asian,European,young,middle aged,vegetarians,gym junkies ). The only common link was that we had all had 18mths or so of continued stress. This is my theory for the time being. Otherwise you could say that shit just happens!(my other theory!).So 7 years later I got it again,still EBC and now ,2yrs on, I'm fine.After Taxotere chemo it took 10wks before I saw any hair sprout.I didn't embrace being bald but merely put up with it -alot of whinging and pity parties! I got alot of my head stuff from www.headcovers.org -quite cheap and delivered to your door. I no longer question"why did I get bc?"I now concentrate on staying stress free,eating well and hopefully,exercising more. I sold my big house,quit my job and am alot happier.Now I'm not suggesting everyone do that but rather, make changes in your life to reduce stress. You have alot of treatment ahead of you and that can be daunting.Take one bit at a time and schedule in your fun days to look forward to.Chemo will be hard-won't sugar coat that one!But radiation,in comparision,will seem a breeze.I'm now on Tamoxifen and coping ok with it.You have great family support and ofcourse,us here so you'll get through it.Thinking of you,big hugs.
Tonya xx
- TonyaMMember
When I had my first bc diagnosis back in 2003 I went crazy with my research. I was 47 with no family history of bc,don't smoke/drink,eat fairly healthy,not fat etc etc. After reading so many books on cancer and talking with many women during my treatments there didn't seem to be an answer.I talked to all sorts of women with bc(tiny,Asian,European,young,middle aged,vegetarians,gym junkies ). The only common link was that we had all had 18mths or so of continued stress. This is my theory for the time being. Otherwise you could say that shit just happens!(my other theory!).So 7 years later I got it again,still EBC and now ,2yrs on, I'm fine.After Taxotere chemo it took 10wks before I saw any hair sprout.I didn't embrace being bald but merely put up with it -alot of whinging and pity parties! I got alot of my head stuff from www.headcovers.org -quite cheap and delivered to your door. I no longer question"why did I get bc?"I now concentrate on staying stress free,eating well and hopefully,exercising more. I sold my big house,quit my job and am alot happier.Now I'm not suggesting everyone do that but rather, make changes in your life to reduce stress. You have alot of treatment ahead of you and that can be daunting.Take one bit at a time and schedule in your fun days to look forward to.Chemo will be hard-won't sugar coat that one!But radiation,in comparision,will seem a breeze.I'm now on Tamoxifen and coping ok with it.You have great family support and ofcourse,us here so you'll get through it.Thinking of you,big hugs.
Tonya xx
- FranPMember
Hi Keitha,
dont worry about getting upset that is all part of this shit journey. and as for losing your hair , i had really long blonde hair and it came back with a month after chemo black and really curly was weird its a grey brown now and just has a slight kink in it but i am just happy to have hair.
my 4yr old granddaughter Aaliyah asked me the other day "Oma why have you got grey in your hair ? i told her it's because i when i was sick and had my sore boobie i was given a pink lady medicine and thats why my hair is like it is now. she said " hmm i dont think i want that meciden, i told her i didn't want her to have it it's yuky. we both laughed and pulled yukky medicine faces.
there is an up side to all the yuk. we have good day's too.