One thing for sure, we do get lots of thinking time going through this! You are so right when you say that you don't really understand unless you have been through it or something similar. That is why even amongst medical staff you will get varying degrees of support (because of their personnel experiences). It is also why many of us are surprised with where we get the best support during this. Often it is people we least expect not necessarily those we were closest to before this. You will be a different person after this too and often we are then able to help others because of what we have endured and now understand also.
Having such a long time of treatment must be especially difficult for you. Looking forward is helpful and what you said the other day about preparing for the worst but hoping for better is how many of us get through this. Each day is another day closer to completing treatment and recovering. Some of those days you know will be pretty terrible but you can hope that there will also be some more good ones like your night with your friends the other day! Take care. Deanne xxx