Hi Mandy, thank you for responding. I write back with such mixed emotions. Firstly, I think the description is relief, to know I am not on my own and there are people facing similar challenges. On the other hand a huge degree of sadness that this ridiculous thing called 'cancer' having no rhyme or reason can effect so many people. I finally admitted today when a colleague said to me 'you must be so tired of being strong/brave' that it was tough and I actually fell apart. I am tired of the front and today I did need to allow a little space for sadness. Still, I then put my big girl brave fighting pants back on and got back to living! Life does feel like a yoyo and I am learning to say that is ok.....if not a little boring in its repetition! We can and will fight this x