Telling the world

I'm on the same page with all the ladies above.I've had bc twice and each time I waited until I knew the initial plan before I told family,friends and work colleagues.In other words,I knew I'd need surgery followed by whichever treatment was recommended.It also gave me a little time to get my head around it.I find most people are upset for you,want to hug you and want to know what will happen.We are all different and should go with our gut what feels right for us.I was honest and open about it and everyone just got used to the idea and treated me the same as always(in most cases).Sad as it is,I think breast cancer is becoming common place and everyone knows someone whose had it.If you have to have chemo then it may be harder to keep it secret. Best wishes for surgery. Tonya xx

I'm on the same page with all the ladies above.I've had bc twice and each time I waited until I knew the initial plan before I told family,friends and work colleagues.In other words,I knew I'd need surgery followed by whichever treatment was recommended.It also gave me a little time to get my head around it.I find most people are upset for you,want to hug you and want to know what will happen.We are all different and should go with our gut what feels right for us.I was honest and open about it and everyone just got used to the idea and treated me the same as always(in most cases).Sad as it is,I think breast cancer is becoming common place and everyone knows someone whose had it.If you have to have chemo then it may be harder to keep it secret. Best wishes for surgery. Tonya xx

Golly...I felt exactly the same way as you do now....I too live in a small rural town and being such a private person I only told close friends and family.

The terrifying part for me was when I knew I was losing my hair from chemo and then felt like I had a flashing red light following me around, then there would be no way of hiding it! I too did not want the pity eyes at the school gate or  comments at the post box in town.......being a bit of a control freak too, this is something I had little control over!

I guess living in a small town allows news to travel fast so people will find out pretty quickly! I just decided I had to go with the flow and stop worrying about other peoples' opinions - mostly they have been supportive and helpful anyway.

My parents are elderly too and live in the city.....I also pondered on whether to tell them or not due to their own problems - sadly my Mum passed away suddenly 2 days after my diagnosis and for a while I felt like I may have caused her extra stress by giving her my news (I've been reassured this was not the cause).

I am now 4 months past finishing chemo and feeling strong - inside and out....I guess these feelings are all part of this experience and you will get through it!

Good luck....Jenny x

I too only told those who needed to know in the beginning, and as time has passed some others, then others, etc.

I don't have a large family nor a large "network" and wanted to deal with things in my own time. It was a relief in a way not to be responsible for everyone else's reactions to what was happening, so the "slowly, slowly" approach worked for me.

As well as the above, the subject of other people's insensitivity has been raised in this forum many times, and I was initially feeling so raw emotionally that I shied away from the possibility of the "horror" stories that we hear from people who seem not to realise what they are saying when they over-share.That's not to say I wasn't sometimes shocked and hurt by insensitive comments.

I think it is a purely personal decision to make when telling others, based on our personality type and our circumstances. I am largely OK with how I managed it, and how my family respected my wishes about passing on information to others. 

Hi MaresW

Glad you have connected to this wonderful support network.

Like you, I was concerned about who needed to know about my bc. I felt extemely vulnerable and needed time to accept this big change in my life.  I needed to make some sense of my diagnosis and treatment options first - and that took me a while! I also needed time to connect with my medical team - to listen, ask questions, clear up any confusion - and ultimately make my own decisions.

So I kept things private (to my immediate family and a couple of girlfriends), mainly to protect myself, as I learnt to deal with my feelings and fears. I didn't want people to look at me differently, to suddenly expect the worst for me or treat me like a victim - just because of my bc diagnosis. It was hard enough dealing with my own expectations (without too much outside interference).

Once I was ready to move forward, make decisions and take some control of my bc journey, I really felt informed and empowered. When I needed to be away from home and take time off work, I shared as much I needed to, with my boss and other employees, and kept things as simple(and non-scary!) as possible -I was having preventative treatment.

Needless to say, I was lucky to have some very special people to support me - including my husband and my 84 year old Dad. I also gained a lot of hope, reassurance and comfort from my breast care nurse and from BCNA.

As my journey continues - beyond treatment into into survivorship, I find I am now more ready to share my experiences than ever before.

There is something nurturing and healing when you realise you are not alone with bc and your life isn't over - it's a new journey!

Hope you keep in touch online.

Hi MaresW

Glad you have connected to this wonderful support network.

Like you, I was concerned about who needed to know about my bc. I felt extemely vulnerable and needed time to accept this big change in my life.  I needed to make some sense of my diagnosis and treatment options first - and that took me a while! I also needed time to connect with my medical team - to listen, ask questions, clear up any confusion - and ultimately make my own decisions.

So I kept things private (to my immediate family and a couple of girlfriends), mainly to protect myself, as I learnt to deal with my feelings and fears. I didn't want people to look at me differently, to suddenly expect the worst for me or treat me like a victim - just because of my bc diagnosis. It was hard enough dealing with my own expectations (without too much outside interference).

Once I was ready to move forward, make decisions and take some control of my bc journey, I really felt informed and empowered. When I needed to be away from home and take time off work, I shared as much I needed to, with my boss and other employees, and kept things as simple(and non-scary!) as possible -I was having preventative treatment.

Needless to say, I was lucky to have some very special people to support me - including my husband and my 84 year old Dad. I also gained a lot of hope, reassurance and comfort from my breast care nurse and from BCNA.

As my journey continues - beyond treatment into into survivorship, I find I am now more ready to share my experiences than ever before.

There is something nurturing and healing when you realise you are not alone with bc and your life isn't over - it's a new journey!

Hope you keep in touch online.