Reoccurrence fear

I think most of us can resonate with you in your fear of recurrence. Treatment can be a whirlwind of tests, surgery, appointments and treatments.  Then once over you are just are let go to try and pick up the pieces of your life.

In the back of your mind is the thought...is it gone? Will it come back? When will it come back? All those thoughts are normal.

In communities we hear if all the women that don't make it. But in reality there are many many women that do. Joining cancer support groups, attending dinners etc connect you with survivors. I never felt like I was one until I stood with hundreds of women at the BCNA forum...all survivors...and sang. Yes some of those women had recurrence but they were inspiring. ..living a life worth fighting for.

Recently I attended a Pink dinner in my own communitu and stood with fellow survivors. Women I met during my treatment...we stood together and sang. ..I am woman. ..of course. I so believe those words in that song . I do feel stronger. I do feel I have grown. I do feel I can make a difference supporting those coming behind me. Doing that gave me another purpose in life. 

Will my cancer return? It might. But in the meantime I'm committed to reclaiming my life, filling it with love, fun  and purpose. Doing that helps crowd out those dark thoughts that suck the joy out of life. Finding how you can do that is now your personal journey. It could just be supporting just one person you might meet at the oncology appointment. I did. We became close friends. Sharing fears with others really helps. Helping others can make you feel stronger . I've connected with many women here and have made sone wonderful friendships I believe will last a lifetime.

I compare it a little to becoming a Mum. Before I was frightened of doing lots of things. Once a Mum I did things I was scared of to protect my children. (Fending off an attacking rooster is one event I will never forget).  I was still scared but got on with it anyway. 

BCNA have some information that might be helpful to you, link below. Take care. And keep checking in. Kath x

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/fear-of-cancer-recurrence/

I think I was told once exercise releases endorphins in the body which give you natural “ high”

I agree with @Afraser about th need to actually practice something positive daily until it becomes a habit. I fell into a bit of a hole after treatment ended but am digging myself out with simplest of things - a daily one hour walk - I am not an exercise person but found this helped a lot with my headspace as well as my health. Some days it’s not easy as I take Letrozole which causes joint pain but find I can walk through it. It also helps me relax and I no longer need to frantically fill in time which was my go to once treatment ended.I also do a gentle stretch and balance twice a week for an hour which also helps. Exercise seems to help with anxiety.

It can be very hard, especially early on, not to worry about recurrence. And you are quite right, active treatment keeps you busy with other concerns, and reminds you that you are daily doing something constructive. Just taking tablets doesn't fill that gap. Then you start wondering what if...? It's very natural but it's also a result of looking back to fear and uncertainty rather than looking forward to being well and living your life. I found actively seeking positive things to do and think about a help. Do at least one thing a day you enjoy (may be quite small). Most of us have to go into training a bit to get back to assuming things in the world are going to be good rather than bad! Laughter is good medicine too. It will get better, but will get better faster if you practice. Best wishes.