Hi Heidi,
Welcome to our little place of sanity - well, mine anyway although I'm sure the other girls would agree :O) My name is Cherie - Ree usually - and I am 34 with 3 small boys as well. Don't they get to be a handful at times!
You have had a rough trot haven't you? Make sure that you take time just for yourself, it will make it easier to find your balance.
I don't think that I really know anything that can help you with your questions. I had thought about having the test a few years ago but put it off - young, breastfeeding devotee, regular checks, blah, blah, blah - then got caught anyway :O( I am the same as your family background, a really strong matriarchal history of BC and OC. I know one of my cousins chose to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and has never regretted it but she had the gene test as well and although she never disclosed to me the results, I assume it was a very high likelihood of her developing BC.
I am sure though, that the other wonderful ladies in here with the wealth of knowledge will jump forward to help you or point you in the right direction. I hope your journey will be a positive one and if you ever wish to just chat, vent or need support, feel free to contact me.
Ree xoxox