pink sister advice

I'm not sure whether you are in a position to discuss or get your husband to read some of these posts. I would like to give him a kick in the butt and tell him to work hard with you to accept what has happened and to feel blessed that although you may look different etc he is blessed that you are a survivor. I had a very unexpected marriage break up nearly 5 years ago. My husband of nearly 20 years asked me to stop the car one day driving home and proceeded to tell me our marriage was over as he felt nothing for me. We were 5 weeks away from our first family holiday overseas with our 3 beautiful children. What I am reading bought back to me those terrible feelings of numbness and disbelief when my whole world came crashing down. I lost my husband, my children's father and my best friend all at once. A month after we returned from our holiday he was living with a lady he got the train to work with. I had no idea he was having an affair. I had arranged for us to renew our wedding vows on our cruise. Two years after this I was diagnosed with breast cancer after having a dream to have a mammogram. I had multiple cancers in both breasts of 3 different cancer types and high node involvement. I had met through a friend a beautiful man but was still living my life as a single mum putting my children first as they too had lost their whole world. I had no choice but to have a bilateral masectomy. No time to discuss reconstruction etc. In October it will be two years since my masectomy and I still chose to wear no prosthesis even though I have them. I am lucky that I am completely comfortable with the new me.i have been with my beautiful partner Michael for four years. He accepts my body complete with his " booby pillows missing " We don't live together as we are both raising our children in our own homes. He has been there for me every step of the way. I wear a singlet in the bedroom if the lights are on but I am happy for him to see me in the shower, getting dressed etc. I believe he is proud of me and proud of my battle scars. He often says that scar is a reminder of your battle and your determination to win this battle. I have very fond memories of him cuddling me and telling me I was still beautiful to him without my boobs, with no hair, with a puffy arm and with drains in the bed with us. I would suggest to you that you seek counselling for yourself first. Your cancer journey and your issues with your husband have worn you down and I can see you are in a bad place. Consider taking anti depressants. I take 75mg of Effexor with gabapentin for ongoing nerve pain but I'm sure it helps my mood too You deserve to be feeling good about yourself and living your life to the fullest. I know there are often expectations of cancer survivors to be rejoicing and living their lives differently but its not always that way for everyone. We are often left with ongoing medical issues and low self esteem I'm hoping that by sharing my story with you you are able to see things really have to improve for you. You deserve better than you are getting and its time for you to put yourself first and work on you as an individual before you can save your marriage if that is what you want. Look after yourself Let us know where you live so someone local to you may be able to meet you for a coffee and talk That often makes a huge difference Mel xxx