So sorry you are feeling this way. We all have moments where everything gets on top of us and it's hard to see a way forward. If you have been feeling this way for a while though, I would think it is time to seek professional help from a counsellor. You need to let out your feelings not keep them shut up inside you. The best way to do this is with a counsellor.
Sometimes you just need to talk about it with someone who can give you unbiased advice. Find someone soon, ring the Cancer Council or Lifeline for advice on what to do.
I have had counseling it really does help. Deanne xo