yestersay while out shopping and at a checkout so I couldn’t really move I heard a older lady saying to someone really young looking. Well is she a fighter she needs to be a fighter !!!! Her reply well she is a bit anxious and scared of the chemo. I actually wanted to punch the older in the face to imply that only fighters will survive. We have a family friend that did all that she could but she still died. And to say that to a young daughter wtf. Ggrrr.

There have been some good threads about what not to say to someone who has cancer. Pretty much everything that anyone who hasn't had cancer feels the need to say. Raving platitudes for the most part. Some days I want to bite the fools, other times I find myself thinking 'I hope you never find out how ridiculous that statement was.'

I used to find the use of fighter annoying, now I find the use of cancer sufferer far more annoying. I’ve learned to be far less sensitive about people’s comments. More often than not, they are trying to be kind/ supportive. I’d prefer people to say stupid things than avoid me.

Personally I think you need to be a fighter to be a woman! And fighters come in all shapes and sizes. She may not have been suggesting anything derogatory. As you say, you can fight every day with all your strength and not lick some things. Just as she was not aware of your circumstances, so you are not fully aware of hers. Just another checkout moment!

For me, this whole "Journey" thing gets on my ......well can't say that anymore, can I? In my mind, a journey is something and somewhere exciting and different. Like the Great Wall of China, Outer Mongolia, the Serengeti or somesuch. It in no way brings to mind chemo clinics, barbaric mutilation, permanent side effects involving wheeled walking frames and the like. However, I realise that this is my own personal reaction the the use of the word and that the people using it probably mean well.

@iserbrown, as I specifically said, I realised this was my own personal reaction to the term, which was said tongue in cheek, No offense was intended. Again, personally, the magic of a journey is the anticipation, the planning and the day by day enjoyment of uncovering the attractions of that journey. The destination just happens to be the end of that whole process. Important, but the end of an enjoyable journey in the end. For me personally, this cancer journey itself has been a nightmare, although I do anticipate with relief the arrival at the destination...

Overhead discussion yesterday that made me sad/angry

32 Replies

DearB
Member
8 years ago
@Zoffiel is it too early to say what I am ? I might look for the book is it something still available.
kezmusc
Member
8 years ago
OOps should have been or slap them :D
kezmusc
Member
8 years ago
If I hear one more person say "Journey" I am either going to throw up of slap them. I go with Booby Prize @Joannie as well.
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
Apart from the hero, or protagonist, there are the mentor, ally, herald, shapeshifter, trickster, guardian and shadow.
Which makes eight. My brain don't work anymore. I've got my archetypes mixed up with my seven stories. Phhffft.
DearB
Member
8 years ago
@zoffiel. What are the seven characters? We did a thing in a team building thing at my old with that decided ya into birds. I got dove. The biggest dickhead there got eagle. Wtf what the only other choices were peacock and owl. The jokes around the office for a few weeks was watch out little dove eagles eat you for breakfast
DearB
Member
8 years ago
Shit happens kit.
Anonymous
8 years ago
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Anonymous
8 years ago
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Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
Lets blame Joseph Campbell for the whole journey business. He wrote a book called ' The hero's journey' where he unravelled myths from all over the world and came up with a formula for what makes a story feel familiar and complete.

Part of that were the seven archetypes or characters that feature in most heroic tales. I've kept myself amused for years fitting the people I've encountered during my cancer experience into that structure. I'd rather be distracted than terrified so that exercise works for me.

I'm not sure what word I could use in public to describe this whole shitfight, but I agree that journey doesnt cut it. Every time I hear that word it gives me the irrits so quickly that I get quite hostile towards whomever comes out with it. Childish, I know, considering that I can't come up with an appropriate alternative.
Rachwllms
Member
8 years ago
My pet hate question or phrase that a lot of people use when i tell them i had a lumpectomy is, "Oh at least you got to keep your breast." I really feel like bitch slapping them !!! Really....it's only a quarter of a deformed scarred breast but at least i got to keep it !! Hahaha