Hi my name is natalie, I was diagnosed with stage 2 high grade 3 breast cancer. I am about to start chemotherapy as the cancer has spread to my lungs. My husband has been good but i think it is starting to affect him. He lashes out a lot more at me and the kids and tells me things he has read. I sometimes dont know what he is talking about because he has read a little more than me and had information given to him because he works in a private hospital where i am having the surgery. I am a little confused about chemo the length of time im having it and how long to be off work, as i work in child care and was advised to not work while on treatment. I need to talk to someone that has been through the same thing the lady that has had breast cancer that i talk to has not had chemo or any other treatment other than surgery. Please help with some advise.

Hi Natalie, welcome to your new "extended family" ... please call in and chat whenever you feel the need. Unfortunately I can't help you with advice re your chemo experience. My cancer was contained in the breast and had not gone to the lymph glands. I had a mastectomy and all of the glands removed, so I don't have to go down the chemo/radiotherapy road ... I am on Arimidex for 5 years. A couple of things though .... from my experience. Do you have your "My Journey" pack and/or the "Hopes and Hurdles pack.. The books etc that are in these packs will help you with anything you need to know. You really need to absorb this information yourself without having it "preached" at you. I don't mean that remark unkindly towards your husband, he may not fully understand the information either. It is quite likely he is as frightened and uncertain as you are and his lashing out is a defence mechanism against his feelings of not being able to help you. There is also a dvd in the pack which is aimed at partners and explains things in easy to understand dialogue.... hopefully with the aim of helping husbands/partners/fathers/brothers to understand what their loved one is going through. How many children do you have and what are their ages? Where are you living - there may be some support groups near at hand that you can connect with. Let me know and I will try to find something close by. In the meantime try to stay calm - yes I know that easier said than done - and not stress yourself too much. We are all here for you and as I said there will be someone along shortly who is more knowledgable about your situation than I am. Take care ..... Cheers .... Shirl xxx

Hello and you have made the first step to helping yourself and your family, remember you are never alone and pop in for a chat any time. I understand how upside down your world is right now but Shirl has put you on the right path. One day at a time. You can order the "hopes and Hurdles" info pack yourself on this sight and I'm sure when your husband checks out the dvd it will help. There's also a great flyer for how friends and family can help.I hope there is a local support group in your area as we all draw from each others strengths at this confusing time. I have had a RH mastectomy, radiation and chemo. I was very "lucky" and was never sick just tired from the chemo so remember your state of mind is a powerful friend at this time. i kept telling myself i didnt have time to be sick as I had 2 kids (10 & 12yrs) and a husband that worked away so my kids kept me going and gave me strength. Your hubby sounds like he is overloading on the info a bit, we all have done that, it doesnt make it wrong, just shows how much he cares and our men feel so useless that there's nothing they can do to help. No doubt his work mates are trying to help and comfort but sometimes you have to say -stop. Too much info just confuses, put it aside and talk to each other, breath, hug and be there for each other and when you BCNA info comes through, put the kids to bed early (if there young??)go through it together, calmly, maybe with a bottle of wine, thats what my hubby and I did and although it's a terrible time and subject it was a wonderful night ending with us having a one step at a time plan and knowing we we're there for each other all the way. Hope this helps and be thinking of you, Kaz

Hello Natalie, I was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer and finished chemo and radiotherapy last year. There's so much information to absorb and sometimes its difficult to retain and make sense of it all, so I understand what you are going through! When you go for your first chemo session, the nurses should sit you down and go through what to expect, how long you will need chemo for etc. You could also write down a list of questions to ask your Oncologist regarding chemo too. As far as time off work goes, I expected to be back at work reasonably quickly, but it didnt work out that way. I started by applying for leave a few weeks at a time but then decided to go on extended leave to fully recover before I went back to work. I certainly didnt rush things....I had about 18 months off work! Everyone is different though, and you may want to (or need to) return much earlier than that! I think employers are usually very good about absence due to cancer though. Will be thinkking of you, Celeste

Hi Celeste, thanks for joing in here. I knew there would be some-one along soon who could help Natalie out with some first-hand info. That's what this site is all about .... help and support Cheers .. Shirl xx

nedd to talk | BCNA Online Network

11 Replies

ShirlO
Member
15 years ago
Hi Natalie, welcome to your new "extended family" ... please call in and chat whenever you feel the need.

Unfortunately I can't help you with advice re your chemo experience. My cancer was contained in the breast and had not gone to the lymph glands. I had a mastectomy and all of the glands removed, so I don't have to go down the chemo/radiotherapy road ... I am on Arimidex for 5 years.

A couple of things though .... from my experience.

Do you have your "My Journey" pack and/or the "Hopes and Hurdles pack.. The books etc that are in these packs will help you with anything you need to know. You really need to absorb this information yourself without having it "preached" at you.

I don't mean that remark unkindly towards your husband, he may not fully understand the information either. It is quite likely he is as frightened and uncertain as you are and his lashing out is a defence mechanism against his feelings of not being able to help you.

There is also a dvd in the pack which is aimed at partners and explains things in easy to understand dialogue.... hopefully with the aim of helping husbands/partners/fathers/brothers to understand what their loved one is going through.

How many children do you have and what are their ages? Where are you living - there may be some support groups near at hand that you can connect with. Let me know and I will try to find something close by.

In the meantime try to stay calm - yes I know that easier said than done - and not stress yourself too much.

We are all here for you and as I said there will be someone along shortly who is more knowledgable about your situation than I am.

Take care .....

Cheers .... Shirl xxx

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