Living with teenagers and bc

I have twin 16 year old boys ( was a big surprise at 47) and a 23 year old daughter who has just started her first job 300 km away.In truth starting to realise myself been one helluva year . Helping my daughter move out of home , all the bc treatment overlaid by the usuals of busy family life ramped up by a dose of cabin fever from a wet and cold winter. And yep the kids are no longer easy re clothes , food and their schedules - think I could join a circus as a juggler.Am lucky as am retired after 40 years working  - well sort of as do volunteer work.But in the interests of my sanity will be reassessing my contribution to the superwoman myth and making my family aware of the change in my status. 

Thank you you everyone for your thoughts and ideas - it has meant a lot and made me think some.

My teen immediately went back to the world revolving around her the moment she thought I was back to normal. All it took was me saying I feel tired today, I need to rest, I need you to help me please and immediately she would do whatever I asked (face sulky). I'm better at listening to my body now and better at asking for help. I think our household is happier. If you don't speak up they will definitely not hear you! Xxo Janine G 

I have a son who turns 18 in a couple of weeks & my daughter who turns 13 a fortnight after. 
I'm finding my lad the most difficult to deal with. He doesn't want to have any conversations that have anything to do with cancer. When I had my operations he basically left home until the day after my hysterectomy. Even now he really is most days obnoxious and knows everything (which I put down to being 18). But because I'm stable & back at work, it's like cancer doesn't exist. Anyway, I've managed to gain an extra 18yr old because his mother threw him out. 

I had a heart to heart talk and told my boys I needed help. Especially as I was now back working. I created a jobs roster and they also cook 1 night a week each which gives me a break. I pay a cleaner to do kitchen bathroom and living room once a week so I can rest more on days off. And if the clean washing piles ip...so be it. 

Oh, @Romla, I feel you. Although my kids are only 1 & 4 their dad is just as thoughtless as your teenagers. The second I'm well enough to do something once, that's it, he will just let me from then on. Trouble is, rather than asking for help I just get more determined to do everything myself & do more than I probably should. I don't want help from a lazy self-absorbed ass. Your teenagers just aren't getting it. Spell it out for 'em  & give them jobs to do. Even small jobs like taking out the rubbish & emptying the dishwasher etc will give you times to put your feet up with a cuppa each day. Those small jobs add up to a lot of hours each day. They might not love it, may even protest, but they'll get an appreciation for all you do for them & they will be better more empathetic adults because of it. Their future partners will thank you!! Take care xxxooo

@Romla I totally hear you! My kids were 11 and 13 at my first diagnosis so a little too young, however they saw what radiation did at the end, I was struggling as I was a single parent and working full time through rads. They helped when they could, they were pretty good. 2nd diagnosis 2015 was way harder on so many levels they were 15 & 17. Like you they were so used to seeing Super Mum, their dad deliberately made it very difficult for me with no assistance with them. My kids are great but as you say they just dont get the complexity of the whole thing and can get pretty self absorbed when youre really wanting them to just KNOW! But the truth is they don't know...it pained me but I had a couple of major meltdowns which shocked them severely BUT they saw Yes Im a strong supermum but Im HUMAN too in a way it was probably good for them. So now I say what I need which is better. 

You need a break agreed!!! When I had my Mastectomy/diep flap recon in late Feb I made the painful decision to let my kids go to their Dads, so hard when Ive raised them!!! but I had to, it nearly killed me going through chemo and managing everything else. It was the best thing for me in terms of healing and really putting time into me now. 

Get a list of things you want done, thats what I used to do haha!!! told them to sort it out who does what...worked a treat. My daughter preferred vacuuming, my son preferred doing the bathrooms LOL. I stopped being nice and made them step up, I figured I didnt raise two lazy, thoughtless kids...they have their moments but they are brilliant! :D Melinda xo

Agree and I do think the idea of an Otis retreat break will help you more so than the teenagers!

Go for it! They sound like pretty normal, healthy kids to me.

Thanks afraser they are not bad kids just a mob of ostriches who have had a type A mum who is struggling to keep up the facade.Parenting needs to go on regardless and I will introduce them to this next part of the learning cycle - that adults are fallible and not superheroes who can leap tall buildings in a single bound. If I can get them to see me rather than the image things will change but I also need to stop contributing to the myth.

They are only L plate adults. Like most of us, they want everything the way it normally is. And if you are party to keeping up that happy state of affairs, they will blithely go on as normal. They might well be able to do more as a general contribution to the household. And understanding that things change, adults are not immune from illness or hurt, and that thoughtfulness is a good attribute in life, will help on the way to their P plates. Good luck.