It's been a while

Thanks for the support everyone.  I have been a little hesitant getting on here - stupidly probably - but to me what I have been through is a realisation of all of our fears and I didn't want to bring anyone down.  

I have found sifting through the information tough - I think before the change in my diagnosis I was pretty passive - accepting the odds as being pretty good and putting my life in my dr's hands - but even when they try their best it sometimes isn't enough. Now I realise that I must be the driver of this bus and go with what feels right to me based on the information I've been exposed to.  

I am loving the meditation - I am still learning but it takes some discipline and the support of the family to give me time and space to do it. My body needs to heal and my mind needs to be in the right space to allow that to happen.  I have been overwhelmed with lots of worry and negative thoughts and the meditation brings my body and mind into a much calmer space.

With the juices I am spending up a fortune on organic vegetables.  I mainly juice veges in a variety of mixes - carrot, carrot and celery, carrot, celery and beetroot and I have a delicious green juice daily - with barley grass, celery, capsicum, parsley, spinach - whatever greens I have around.  I feel I get an energy boost from them and find them quite tasty too.  

I have given more thought to the complementary side of things and think I am going to go with Chinese Medicine.  I have been given quite a bit of hope of managing this disease by my oncologist and I feel comfortable with working with someone who will help balance my body so my immune system can kick in and start healing  once the cancer cells are dead.  

It's a big job and taking up much of my time but I am focused on getting well and healing.  

I have to be honest and tell you that I don't feel strong or courageous - I have been very anxious and worried but can only see a way forward that is focused on being here for my little family.

Love you guys - thank you! 

Amanda xx

p.s. The bridge climb is awesome and a great goal - I have always been very frightened of heights and flying but after doing a visualisation with a counsellor before I went, I can honestly say I felt none of the things I normally do when I am flying or up high (very close to panic attacks) - I just enjoyed every moment! Steal the idea as much as you like - definitely worth it!