I have a daughter in NZ who is bipolar and 19 yrs old. She is studying at uni and would have flipped out pre exams had I told her then. I waited until after I had my mastectomy and had both the histology results and the forward plan. Then I flew to NZ and told her. She was VERY GRUMPY that I had not told her before but it was the right thing to do. I couldn't face dealing with her stress and my own at the same time so it was not all altruistic! But it was the right thing. Stress for everyone was lessened. I think you are making the right call
Love. Julie