Hey @Shorelle, I reckon you're being a bit hard on yourself!! If you can't feel a bit down when you are going through treatment then when can you!!! It's not just a physical assault on your body, it is also on your mind! BUT believe it or not you will laugh again, you will be happy again, and you will appreciate your life and all that is good in it. I have changed from a person who was gunna do to a doer!!! And I am thoroughly enjoying myself - I'm very happy. Sending you a big happy hug (it will get better!!!)Xx Cath