Having trouble just coping

Crankiness is sometimes the only way to cope but as someone who is a pretty happy person most of the time, I sympathise with your feelings of radical change and hating it. But hard as it is to do, you are the person who can reclaim your happiness. You have been diagnosed early enough to make a real difference. You have made decisions about treatment, good for you. So the next step is to realise that this is not your life, it is just a bit of your life and you may look back on it in time as a very small part of your life. It's not a particularly good part, and if you have been in the habit of being the decision maker, there will be times when that role has to be renegotiated (or just dropped for a while). Your husband would really be useless if you weren't there at all, so now is a chance for him to step up. Give him a chance, it won't be perfect but then few things are and definitely not bc. Relaxation (hard with three small ones I know), occupying your mind with other things, or getting some counseling (talking to a stranger can be hugely liberating!) can all help rebuild your positive sense of yourself.

Fear can build on fear - particularly if you keep it all inside. So talk here, there are lots who will totally understand. You are not a wreck, just very fearful of being one. We all know that feeling well. But many of us didn't become wrecks and we have recovered our lives, our sense of fun (yes, it can happen!) and optimism. Deep breaths, keep calm, you too can do this.