Hi , Im new to this group and after ready some stories I am greatful for my early diagnosis, well not that early stage 2a. But still I know I am in a better odds position that lots of others. Im a mum of 3 little girls 5, 6 and 8 with a husband who would be useless without me and Im really really scared. I have just finished 4 rounds of chemo and decided to book in for bilateral mastectomy end of sept. Im just not coping still with the diagnosis and cant see how this is ever going to stop taking over my mind. I was such a happy strong person and now Im a wreck.

Hey @shorelle I've just, today, had my portacath removed after having to go through the whole bloody process again. I had a double mastectomy with reconstructions at the end of 2006 and had a recurrence, with all the associated drama, last year.You know, it does get better. I'm not suggesting that it all just goes away, but that physical feeling of fear that follows you around does lose a bit of energy and lags behind a bit. It catches up every once in a while, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time you can start to feel you are outpacing it I've got no evidence apart from experience to support this, but I think sometimes BC is harder for people who have previously had a sunny disposition. Perhaps those of us who are crankier and generally less cheerful are used to being pissed off and feeling like shit. I don't know.Good luck with your upcoming surgery. I firmly believe that the process of making those sorts of decisions is far and away the toughest part of BC treatment. If you have been through that, you have done the worst bit. It is bloody exhausting, but you are getting there. Keep going. Marg XXX

Hi @Shorelle, it's a bloody long process all of this and I think just get through one day at a time. I agree with @Zoffiel, I think happier people may find it harder. Personally, I have had a shit three years so what's one more thing. It will get easier I believe. All the best.Lisa

Thank you for your words. I think you are right the toughest trees fall the hardest has been a way to explain myself. I was so healthy happy positive and tge change in my is sad. The whole thing is sad. Did your bc come back in your breast even after mastectomy? Thinking of you. Just when you had passed your 10 year mark too. That is really unfair. It seems it never really goes away.

Ah, Shorelle, there are many reasons we don't want this disease. Mine came back in my armpit (Cancer in the armpit? Really? WTF?) I can't dwell on it as far as worrying about it coming back. I used to say that what doesn't kill you makes you stranger, now I think it just hangs around in the background and has another go later. There it is again, the black humour and cynical outlook that drives some of us.As far as fair is concerned, meh. Little kids getting cancer is not fair. Innocent people getting slaughtered in pointless wars isn't fair. People dying of preventable diseases because they are too poor to afford basic medicine, that is really not fair. A recurrent cancer in a middle aged woman who has had the benefit of a wild and wide life in one of the most privileged countries in the world. No, probably not 'fair', but I've had a pretty good run. We will see what happens, but I can assure you, if I didn't think my experience would be somehow helpful to others, I probably wouldn't discuss my disease very often.You can move on. Things are a new normal, but you can move on. Marg xx

Hi Shorelle - sorry you've had to join us but it sounds like you are well into treatment. Not sure how much exploring within the BCNA site you have done but there are groups and one for Young women which you may find beneficial. Your young family suggests you are certainly younger than me! It is all doable just that the roller coaster has a few bumps along the way and some us get on and off, dust ourselves down, occasionally rant and rave on here as we all get it and don't judge, get back on and try our darnest to come up trumps!Use the search bar up the top in the discussion page and you will find a multitude of different posts that may assist you. Hopefully you've got a good support network around you with family and friends and you've received your My Journey Kit from BCNA. The staff @BCNA will help you through if you need anything! Take care and hugs xx

Having trouble just coping | BCNA Online Network

Shorelle
Member
8 years ago
Would love to meet up to support each other. Im feeling a bit better niw. I live in Mundaring.
viking1
Member
8 years ago
@Spiv1803 Got your message and now trying to contact you. Yes, I am more than happy to come and chat and hopefully help with your fears. Glad we are both in Perth! I know you are scared, but it is doable one step at a time. There is a great support network here plus at your hospital. I am at Charles Gairdner and their Solaris Cancer Centre is amazing with huge support and free complementary therapy treatments eg massage, acupuncture, mindfulness meditation, library etc. I have my third chemo coming up soon, so still a newbie like you. Like you I had a lumpectomy then went back into hospital for all my lymph nodes to be removed in my right arm. I must say that for me, the surgery was the easy part. But we are all different and we are both very lucky to have lumpectomies and not major surgeries like some of the lovely ladies here. Hang in there and I will see you soon xxx
Unicornkisses
Member
8 years ago
@Shorelle I hope you are feeling a little more positive now.
Having your young children would really bring it home to you what is at stake here.
I found I coped a lot better when I got involved with the groups that my local Cancer Care ram, Tai Chi, exercise and wellness seminars. I am currently doing Art Therapy.
I made some friends from the group who live nearby and we meet up for coffee when we get a chance. Seeing people further along in the treatment who were doing well and could give advice was very helpful in calming my nerves and improving my outlook on the whole cancer thing.
Having the warm support from everyone made a world of difference.

I still have meltdown moments, it doesn't take much, leaving my glasses at the Oncologist, cutting up the wrong bank card even though I was so careful to compare all the numbers when I was checking them. It was just the last straw and had me at the point of throwing things I was so fed up with everything.

Having to fit in all these appointments, some of which are not fun, with work, life, family and other commitments is stressful.
It is perfectly normal to get emotional when it all becomes too much.

But remember there are counsellors out there if you need them, this is exactly what they are there for, and they are familiar with dealing with the stress of cancer, so use them if you can.
I see a counsellor every couple of weeks, during stressful treatments and before a challenging event such as MRI.

It it is scary stuff if you stop to think too much about it, so I don't. I just get on doing what I have to do to get well.
wendy_h67
Member
8 years ago
Hi Shorelle, All I can say is you will get through this and it will make you a stronger and wiser person . Don't be too hard on your self. Enjoy thoes 3 little girls of yours . They grow up so fast .
Ann-Marie
Member
8 years ago
Hello @Spiv1803 It's never easy welcoming a new member to the online network but you have come to a great place where the members are amazing. You have posted into a conversation so some members may miss your post. If you click the pink button 'new discussion' you can create a new conversation and ask any questions you may have.
iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
@Spiv1803
Welcome to the online forum! Yeah I know none of us really want to be here when you consider what it represents, however, we are all here to help each other through! Yesterday you said! You are probably still trying to absorb that piece of news let alone everything else; your next appointment, treatment plans, pathology results et cetera

There are great resources available - My Journey Kit, if you haven't done so already here's the link so you can get an idea what it is about and get it ordered

https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/my-journey-kit/

the wonderful staff @BCNA will help you negotiate your way through.

If you are ready to do research, don't go with Dr Google but use the search area within this site, website as well as the online forum. Top right hand side of this discussion page - type in some key words and it may help you along

Take care and as you settle into it all let us know from time to time how you are going
Spiv1803
Member
8 years ago
I was diagnosed yesterday. Grade 3, no hormones involved.
very stressed.
Ann-Marie
Member
8 years ago
@Shorelle as you can see the members are incredible. We are all here to support you. This is the link to the young women's group
primek
Member
8 years ago
Cry when you need. Rest when you have to. You will get through this. You are stronger than you think. We all get it. We've all been there. Recovery of the mind is harder than the physical part of treatment. It does get better. Believe. Kath x
Shorelle
Member
8 years ago
You are so right. I suppose Ive never been a victim or had been one to complain. I just always brush myself off and get back up again. Everything else you can fix or you have to accept. so I dont know how to feel, act, belong anything. All I know is Im crying all the time and have no drive. My husband isnt helping either and has treated this a bit like something I should just get over. Omg so not coping but need to wipe my eyes and find a smile. I have 3 little girls who need dinner and showers and kisses and cuddles. I really just want to hide under a rock right now.