Get connected day!

Morning everyone,

Has been ages since I've been on here. Have been hiding behind the job of just "being busy" and getting through the day-to-day stuff. But a quick update - oh and a huge thankyou to everyone for their kind thoughts and support from my last blog, if I missed anyone. I had my surgery (bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction immediately) and everything went really well, to the point where my doctor decided to do the first saline injection into the tissue expanders then and there. So when I woke up from the surgery, I wasn't as flat chested as I expected, which helped with image issues, I guess. The huge shock was for the amount of pain and inability of movement for the first few weeks, I was in a hard place as I can't take codeine or morphine so they had to play around with pain management but we eventually got it worked out. All my labs came out fine, no sign of compromised lymph nodes, no other cancer cells showing up anywhere. While relieve, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop and some-one to say, no it isn't going to be as easy and straighforawrd as this. I feel blessed, especially when reading of other stories and blogs on here and the huge amounts of chemo and radiation that women are going through. Sure, I went through a short round of chemo and lost my hair but it doesn't seem to be even close to the same league as what others have gone through. It all seems almost too easy, if that makes sense?

Everything was going fine until we got the first fill up. Somehow managed to get a faulty tissue expander and the magnet had been placed in the product upside down. So when my doctor was trying to find the injection site, the magnet finder was going crazy. Came to the decision we give it a go and see what happend but unfortunately, best as we can figure the scenario, there was actually a fold in the expander so she nicked the main part of the expander and it sprung a leak - within two days I was totally lop-sided, LOL. Got back into surgery for replacement within 2 days but it set me back mentally as I really didn't want more surgery than I had been told to expect  :O(  But not really a choice so it went ahead and everything has been fine, phew. I've just had my last fill up - I have cleavage again!! My next surgery will be replacing the expanders with permanent implants which is scheduled for the 1st April - appropos for me, according to my friends, to have it done on April Fool's Day...LOL

So health wise, I am bouncing back really well. Mentally is a little tougher. None of my friends want to talk about it, I can understand that on one level, it is really confronting to think that a normally healthy and active 33 yr old woman can get this disease, maybe it could happen to them too. Nobody wants to confront their inner fears and mortality. But that makes it harder for me. I want to talk about it, I want to be able to talk it out and process it with someone other than my shrink. My breast care nurses have been amazing but they also have so many other patients, so much worse than me and still needing much more individual attention. I feel guilty about taking any time away from them. So my solution has been metaphorically putting my head under the pillow and waiting for it to all fade and go away. Of course it isn't going to, aside from the fact that I have several more surgeries and am reminded every time I look in the mirror, get dressed or shower. But sometimes, pretending it happened to someone else lets you get through the day until you get to that real pillow. My husband has been great, has dealt with the whole thing much better than  expected. My children have been the best of all, not even making an issue of how Mummy looks different, just allowing for the fact that I am sore and don't have as much energy or ability to run around like I normally do. My youngest, Sam, is nearly 3. My last baby who was so attached to Mummy's boobies he didn't stop feeding until he was two  :O)  He has never hesitated about touching my chest since the operation, just more tender and careful about where he puts his hands. He still settles and soothes himself with his hands on my chest and I think that has been one of the best tonics of all.

Still trying to find a local support group to bodily meet with. Have tried contacting the person listed on this site but not able to get connected. So I will keep trying, in a city this size, surely there is someone else who would like to meet for coffee once a month or so and share positivity and support...

Hope this finds everybody happy and if not totally healthy, on the way towards it...

Ree  xox