I think you've answered your own question- you are not ready to go back,both physically and mentally.Don't think of yourself as a cheat,far from it,you've been through the mill and deserve the time to recover fully.Be kind and compassionate to yourself as you would to friend in the same position.A brush with cancer can often make you take stock of your life.After my second bout of bc,I decided to leave work and move house.This reduced my stress and gave me more time to spend with family. Just do what feels right for you for now.I'm sure you'll know when it's time to return to work.Big hug,Tonya xx