Feeling sad
I am very aware that I have lots to be grateful for this year feeling so well again but BC takes a toll on us in many ways. I guess Christmas is often a time when people feel the positive and negative effects that life changes can have on relationships. Last year I had not long finished treatment and so was just glad that treatment was over and hopeful that life would settle back to normal.
This year, as Christmas approaches I feel the chasm that has developed between my little family and my extended family. I was very fortunate to have absolutely wonderful support during and after treatment from many people but my brother and his family were not a part of this. For the months of chemo and radio, I had very little contact with them despite them living only 30 minutes away. In fact the only conversation that I had with my brother during these months was when I rang him to wish him well before he was to have surgery for a hernia.
Mother's Day was a tricky one for me as it marked the year from diagnosis for me. I very much wanted to mark this by taking part in the Mother's Day Classic, which I did with my husband and daughters. My Mum and Dad said they would have joined us except my brother invited them to an outing with his young children (his wife was away spending Mothers Day with her own Mum). Seeing all the families (and young children) walking together I felt very sad that they could not have supported us by coming along.
Later in the year, my daughter and I took part in a 10km walk for women's cancers. We raised over $3000 but were not sponsored by my brother or sister and they did not even respond to a text my husband sent out to family and friends from the finish line. As my daughter said she thought our family were close before all this and would have expected great support from them. We all felt upset that there was just no response.
So Cristmas Day approaches and this year our family are getting together at my brother's for lunch. I am trying very hard to just put aside the feelings of hurt that I have over what has happened and be happy that we can all be together but it is not just me that this has affected. My daughters in particular feel very disconnected from their Aunt and Uncle. Has anyone else experienced this feeling of disconnection and how do you cope with it? Sorry to be so down when I know many of you are facing more major hurdles at this time. I just feel so sad that this has happened as I always thought we were very close and could always count on each other in a crisis. Christmas just does not have the same feel to it this year. :( Deanne
