Feeling low :(

Hi Emma

You posted to me today to let me know you lived in Adelaide Hills.  I have just been reading through these posts with tears rolling down my face.   I am so much like you!   I make everybody believe that I am doing ok (my husband included) but I'm not.  I hate what i see in the mirror (if I bother to look).  I am in the process of organising reconstructive surgery for early next year (likely a bilateral lat dorsi recon).   My guilt is with an old friend I used to work with.  When she heard of my diagnosis she went for a check of something she had been ignoring as a "back" problem.   She has just finished chemo is about to start radio, lost her hair, lost a breast, has a poor outlook and as much as I want to be there for her and support her I feel guilty that she has had to endure so much more than me!    It is a very personal journey and it does affect us all in so many ways.    I did not have chemo but I did have 6 weeks of radio but the loss of my breasts is just devastating to me.  I have gained weight and struggle on most days.   I am sure all at work think I am over the worst of it and I'm all good again. If only the knew how much of a struggle it is for me to keep going to work when I would rather sit in a corner and hide.  (not always but it does happen).   I loved your post about feeling guilty and we all deserve the right to feel down at our loss sometimes.  Hope all is going well with your reconstruction.    Sharyn x