Good morning lovelies....I’m feeling really flat...burnt boobie from rads...unsupportive family which I think is the main issue here...I lost my shit with my family last week and haven’t heard from them, my mum is been indifferent towards me, which I find really hurtful. I’ve kept a smiley face on because if I cried I was been silly. I’m trying to get this business off the ground...no that’s great if you need any help sing out. My mum never asks how are you, how did you go at doctors, but will show concern for my sister who’s adult children take advantage of her. My mum had some Reno’s done whilst I was having chemo and sick as a dog, but made the comment that where have I disappeared to when she needed help. I’m not sure I want to go to my sisters for Xmas...but then I’m thinking how will my daughter feel about if we don’t go...I sometimes feel I’m better off without them in my life as I’ve kept my distance from them before and felt really good. Can anyone offer any advice? thank you xx

Tell them all to piss off.You have enough on your plate without dealing with what sounds like a bunch of narcissistic cows. Make yourself unavailable, let them chase you. Or not. Which is telling in itself.Do you what you feel like doing over Xmas. It's a shit of a time of year if you are feeling at all vulnerable so treat it like any other threat to your well-being and look after yourself. If your daughter, sister, mother, great aunt or next door neighbour doesn't like it, too bad.I'm going to sit in the river and eat prawns, not because it's Xmas, but because any opportunity to spoil myself should be taken advantage of. Put yourself first for a while and be as silly as you like. Marg xxx

You didn't lose a friend @mollygirl you lost an attachment. Which you can probably do without.I'll bet someone quietly steps into that gap in your life while you are not even watching. Cancer is funny like that; it's a foul wind, but it does blow away a shitload of chaff. What is left at the end is worth keeping. Marg xx

I think you should go eat prawns with @zoffiel in the river that sounds beautiful. I have learnt through all this you find out who you true friends and family are and fuck all the others blood or not I say. Margie xx

Yes I agree with others just do what you want for Xmas day. Im sure your daughter will just want you to be happy. Sounds like your family have always been selfish and difficult and your need for support at the moment has just magnified the hurt for you. Im sure they love you, but not in the way you want to be loved.I spent 20 years of my life with a selfish husband desperately trying to make him see, studying all kinds of books to understand, hurting, wishing, hoping, analysing, going over an over all the pain, reaching out for things he was incapable of giving. The day I walked out I was terrified I would not survive. 13 years later I'm soaring and he is still the same miserable b@#$%^ he always was. My new partner comes from a very similar background. He was once told by a counsellor, you cant change any one else, you can only change the way you react to them. We have both found this very useful. We refuse to give toxic people the reactions they are looking for. We have stopped trying to get insensitive people to become sensitive. We have stopped playing into their dramas. We regretfully accept that it isnt personal, its not us, its them. We nurture ourselves and this means we are less dependant on the approval of others. We have found new places to get the love and support we need. This is a good place to start.Its your family, I know its different. But just know some people arent able to give only to take. Its not you. xxxxAnd get some lovely soothing cream on that poor burnt boob. I didnt have rads so I havent experienced this but I did feel sad and sorry after mastectomy, expander and implant this year. Cry if you need to, then one day soon you wont need to cry any more. Its not silly, Its ok. xxxxxx

I don't know how old your daughter is, but a simple explanation that you would rather spend Christmas with her may suffice. If keeping a distance makes you feel good, then you know the answer. Christmas really doesn't change the matter, just throws a whole lot of crazy assumptions and expectations on it. Now more than ever, do what makes you feel good and harms no-one (whatever they may say!).

Feeling flat | BCNA Online Network

45 Replies

Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
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iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
It is about you and not all the drama! Sad to hear that you were left to worry about how to get home from surgery - goodness families can be so thoughtless sometimes!
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
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Hendrix
Member
8 years ago
@Joannie I hear you...I’ve decided to do what @Brenda5 does...show up for an hour or so...then go home and next year plan a holiday away
Anonymous
Not applicable
8 years ago
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Afraser
Member
8 years ago
A positive note - I worried about telling my 89 year old mother, but I gave her a new lease of life. She wasn't able to do anything practical but her optimism and support was a very good thing. My daughter and partner were spookily prescient and rock solid respectively. You can't legislate for family support but it's really nice when you get it!!
Milly21
Member
8 years ago
I think having cancer and treatment does sort people out for you,I also was disappointed a life long best friend was no support at all,said she found it all very hard for her,but it also bought forward people whom I didn't expect to supportive,mums from my kids schools and I have reconnected with a friend who I haven't seen for years and she is a new best friend now and has been great,I find my family aren't to good either but it's like they just think now treatment is over I should just get over it,that's why I have found this network so great because everyone understands,my parents just don't understand, sometimes I think they think I'm just a whiner ,I don't talk about it to them anymore.
primek
Member
8 years ago
I just had a quiet Xmas with my boys and husband last year. It was very special...I was so grateful to be alive. We cooked different courses together so I wasn't alone in the kitchen. I think it is more special actually to take a moment and count your blessings. Perhaps a short visit in tbe afternoon or next day might suit you better.
June1952
Member
8 years ago
Hi @Hendrix
I am on the PC late today but wanted to say you are being thought of. "You can choose your friends but not your family" - and how right that is. Like you, our family is not at all supportive - afraid they might catch the dreaded disease from me ! We are going to the home of a ''new'' friend who we met as she bought my car !
As the others have said, do what YOU want to do. Your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind and do what she wants.
I reckon going to friends at Geelong is the way to go. Down by the water - wonderful.
Whatever you decide I hope it is a happy day for you.
Summer :)
onemargie
Member
8 years ago
We don’t speak to my husbands mother she’s a pain in the arse and has showed no support to me or my hubby so she’s off the Xmas card list permanently so don’t worry you’re not the only one love. Margie x

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