Cancer Sucks - part 1

My diagnosis of breast cancer was just before easter. I had been part of a comittee which had planned a large dog show, it was a national show and had taken 2 years to plan, so I decided that this diagnosis wasnt going to stop me, and off I went to the show for 4 days. During this time I met a couple of women who were breast cancer surviviors, they had treatment, and mastecomys, and they were fine. I let myself believe that I could be ok. On the last day of the show, I reached up to pull a large banner off the wall, I had instant pain in my ribs, and by next morning I couldnt breathe, this was the tuesday, and I was due in surgery on the thursday for my mastecomy. Off to hospital I went, terrified that I had another blood clot, of which I had 2 previously with the ankle surgery 6 months earlier. After a day in hospital, X-rays and Ct scan, the doctor told me I had cracked a rib, but didnt say why. All during the day I had asked them to contact my surgeon, but they didnt. The next day I had an appointment with my surgeon, who was immediately horrified and said that he wanted to do a bone scan, that he was looking for possible bone cancer. He went quiet and looked at me, and said "If it is bone cancer, we cant cure you". My husband just melted in his chair. It was hard to deal with it myself knowing the pain that was coming off him in waves. The next day I was scheduled for the bone scan, it was the longest most stressful day in my life. Of course It came back as bone cancer..and my surgery was cancelled. I managed to stress myself out to the point that I ground my teeth hard enough to damage my nerves in my jaw and make my lip and chin go numb... That is another story.. google numb chin syndrome and see what gems you get, googling isnt always very productive, I was convinced I had this syndrome and I had only 4 months to live, as my oncologist and breast care nurse picked the next week to go on annual leave, and I had nobody to ask about it. As a side note, my lip and chin are still numb a month later. Onwards to appointments with my oncologist, who started me on tamoxofen, the bone strengthening needle and the one to stop your estrogen production (their names escape me ). I had problems balancing my pain medication as I am really sensitive to pain medication and most of it sent me off my head. The latest drama is the fact I have to go to hospital next week (18th May) to have a rod put in my right femur as there is a cancer spot on the inside plane of my femur which has penetrated 50% of my bone at the junction where your femur branches off at an angle. My orthopedic surgeon has decided that as a preventative mesaure It needs to be stablised. I should be in hospital for a week and then a couple of weeks for recovery. After my wounds heal, Im hopeful that my radiologist will radiate my leg, pelvis and lower back to take away the pain from the bone cancers that are there. Taking that pain away will mean I might be able to get off the pain killers I take every day, and hopefully, just hopefully I might be able to sit on my horse.. or brush my foal. I know there are people so much worse than me, and I struggle to not wallow in self pity, but Im only 37... Im not 57 or 67... I had so many things I wanted to do that I am now unable to do... Cancer just sucks