You are not alone! Seems most families have their dark side, even the ones who present like the Brady Bunch.
I have no words of wisdom for you. Thank heavens for your husband, his family and your children. They are your family and they love you and support you.
You may have missed out on the information you need from your mum, but she may still come around. If not, you will be the starting point for information for your daughters and their daughters, so keep every scrap of information you can during this journey ... for them.
Glad you ranted on here and got some of it out of your system. The last thing you need is the extra stress.
Huge hugs,
San-Dee