Wide awake and struggling :-(

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. It's awful to know that others have felt this way before you but it's nice to know that you're not going insane too. This process is definitely the most confronting thing I have ever been through on so many levels, as I am sure it is for all of you. I don't think I have ever been so scared and so lonely in my life. Unfortunately I haven't connected very well with my breast care nurse but there is a nurse who does my chemo who I have bonded with. I spoke to her last week when I had my treatment and it was her who organised the counselling for me. It's interesting how it just seems to be something relatively simple that can set you off and all of a sudden you can't cope anymore. And yes you're probably right in saying that maybe I wasn't coping as well as I thought I was beforehand. I just have to remember that it is only 12 months of my life and it will get better. I just feel so pathetic when I lose it. I am a control freak by nature and to be so far out of control of everything is just so hard. There have been some positives throughout this process ( I refuse to call it a journey as a journey is something I want to go on) but just at the moment the negative outweighs the positive. I think breaking things down and taking one thing at a time is a good plan. And allowing myself time to cry and be miserable if that's what I need to be. Thank you all again for your support and understanding. It makes such a difference knowing that you're not alone and that other people do understand. Much love to you all xoxoxo Karen