What would you do if you were me?

Hello everyone,

I have a big decision to make and need to get some different takes on it. This is my basic situation in dot point form: 

• New primary dx. of Stage 2b ER+ PR+ HER2- right sided IDC with some DCIS in July 2026
• Lumpectomy and SLNB done three weeks ago
• Clear margins and 7 nodes taken, all clear but extensive lympho-vascular involvement on histopathology report
• Previous hx. of Stage 3a left sided ER+ PR+ HER2- IDC with some DCIS in 2016
• Had neoadjuvant FEC-D chemo, lumpectomy and axillary clearance, radiation and hormonal therapy in 2016 with complete pathological response
• Oh and lymphoedema in left arm just because why not add insult to injury

My oncologist says she and her buddies all concur that I need chemo again because of the extensive lympho-vascular involvement. She painted a very grim picture to me of possibly having a recurrence or distant mets if I don't do chemo again, but only do radiotherapy and hormonal therapy. She seems to think that some cancer may have slipped through my blood or lymph vessels and could come back as metastatic disease in the next few years if I do not have chemo, and could die within 2 or 3 years worst case scenario. My cancer is grade 3, KI67 45%. 

I told her I have been utterly traumatised by breast cancer treatment personally, and having just lost my Mum to advanced lung cancer with brain mets last September, I am basically going to be unable to cope with the mental and physical damage that undergoing chemo again would cause. I cared for my Mum for 3 short months and threw away my whole life, work, health and everything to keep her with me as long as possible but it was not enough. I was beyond heartbroken to lose her and still have had no chance to truly grieve, due to having to now fight for my own life again. 

I'm 48, single, no kids. I have no extended family still alive and living near me, and not estranged due to family grudges that I wasn't even a part of. I have PTSD and have been on worker's comp for a couple of years. I have a few good friends but they live in different states, and some are actually in their 60s and 70s, some younger than me. I live alone. I have to clean out and sell my Mum's house and use the income to live off until I can figure out what the next phase of my life will be. I'm devastated to have to have this all on my plate. 

If you've read this far, thank you! Bear with me.

Can you please honestly tell me, having considered all of the above, if you would go ahead and do a second horrifying stretch of chemo, radiation and hormone blocking drugs, knowing the toll it takes on you even in 'ideal' circumstances let alone in my particular circumstances? 

Would you want to live through the next 10-15 years after treatment only to most likely get cancer again and know you would not be able to fight it again? 

Is quality of life and actually ENJOYING life, having freedom and independence, feeling like a woman, and not being a slave to this **bleep**ed disease more important than fighting all over again with no promise of success? 

I'd really like to hear your thoughts. Thank you.