What to do

Thanks Annie. I found it and I have downloaded it for him. 

Tanya

Hi Tanya,

It's really great to hear that things are better now. Sometimes a 'have it out' really helps!

BCNA's new booklet for partners may help your husband. It talks about things like taking on additional roles (eg sorting out the finances) and includes some practical tips. He can download the booklet from our website, or order a free copy from our online shop.

~ Annie

Hi Annie

Going well. It did worse before it got better though.  We had to 'have it out' so to speak and I told him how I felt and that I needed him to support me. Sometimes you just have to spell it out in no uncertain terms!! He has been worried about finances and all the stuff that men take on board and I guess he was just trying to fix it! Anyway all good now and full steam ahead. Thanks for asking.  I appreciate it. How are things with you?

Tanya x

oops just jsaw the bit about excercise and diet; again twenty years ago this focus would have been maybe seen as a bit 'hippy ' or fringe--bit like yoga but now there is evidence for both isnt there?  Although none of my drs have raised diet i have done research of my own and made modifications --again not from any guarantees but it seems like every decade or so my health seems to benefit from some tweeking of diet--ie in my late 40's i reduced sugar as i had some risk of diabetes etc so ive got an open mind about other 'treatments' but i also 'marry' this with conventional medicine too

Just to offer another perspective; and not to advise at all as there are so many variables--including your preference; but my oncologist said --for me --and my 'picture' that really surgery was really important and hormone treatment was the most important after-ongoing treatment for preventative measures; however he suggested for 'extra' go with radiation as does offer some benefits whilst chemotherapy would only give me 1% difference and in his words does have risks for health impacts --often we can dismiss people who suggest or 'push' for minimal intervention as not mainstream but depending on your clincal picture -and personal preferences--breast saving surgery and mindful intervention is best practice. best wishes

Thanks Jessica.  I think you hit the nail on th head. I listen to all he says and the information he has found and thank him for it but remind him that I will make my own choices. I know that once we work through this he will support me no matter what. He is a wonderful man and this experience of bc has brought us closer than ever. 

Tanya xo

Hi, I do some relationship counselling, and also am married to a man who has very different ideas to me about many things including politics, religion, emotions, how to have a relationship etc.

I firmly believe that husbands and wives need to train each other to be good partners to them, and the training continues for the duration of the marriage.

I am hearing that he is frightened for you and for himself, and he is afraid about what the wrong choice might do and out of his fear he is becoming a bit of a nag. He may also feel it would be his fault if the outcome was bad, and maybe needs to be released from that possibility. But he needs to accept that you have the final say over your body choices, just as  he has the final say over his body choices. And it could be very good for your relationship if you can use this issue to help him recognise that loving  you in this case means seeing that you have heard him, but you still make a different choice and that his task now is to honour that choice and try to understand it not keep trying to change it. But he may need to face his fear and his fear of letting you down before he can do that.

Thanks everyone! Everything you have all said has confirmed that I am on the right track in my thinking. I think like your husband Robyn mine is upset about it and its his way of way of saying I care and I want to help. It hard for those around us (especially our husbands and partners) to watch and I guess they feel helpless because they just want to fix it. But my gut feeling is to do everything I humanly can (as Helen put it) to get rid of this bc and get back to a healthy life. Thanks ladies! As always you helped me to feel better about bc and the decision I will make.

Tanya x

Thanks everyone! Everything you have all said has confirmed that I am on the right track in my thinking. I think like your husband Robyn mine is upset about it and its his way of way of saying I care and I want to help. It hard for those around us (especially our husbands and partners) to watch and I guess they feel helpless because they just want to fix it. But my gut feeling is to do everything I humanly can (as Helen put it) to get rid of this bc and get back to a healthy life. Thanks ladies! As always you helped me to feel better about bc and the decision I will make.

Tanya x

As everyone has said, your healthy lifestyle will help your body manage the chemo. I had an amazing naturopath who guided me through all my treatment, withdrawing certain supplements depending on which chemo I was having and adding others. I had AC and then taxol. My naturopath had a special interest in cancer and was very knowledgable. My 12 months of treatment was made a lot easier because of her.

Good luck with everything.

Janice