Has anyone used the bc psychology service? Went into shock yesterday, had the worst fight with my partner of four years and now he wants me out! Told me I have to get my stuff out of the house within a week. Never seen that coming!!! Had my op on Friday and it all went well.. my body is healing but my emotions are a mess! The one person who I thought would be there for me through this has not only been cruel, but hasnt shown me an inch of support since I came back from hospital! Took me two hours to get dressed this morning.. cant eat food, too ashamed to let my family and friends know what is going on and just dont know how I am going to cope?

Hi Lani, I am so sorry you are going through this when you most need support. I contacted my Breast Care nurse and got a referal to a psych who dealt with BC, this was free for six visits if your doctor prescribes it. Previously I had been to a general psych who didn't seem to 'get it'. Also your BC nurse should be able to put you in contact with social workers who can help you emotionally and with practical issues. A big cyber hug, you will get through this, use this site as support and remember you are wonderful and special. x

Lani Now is not the time to be proud. Ashamed about what? You have nothing to be ashamed of. You need all the support you can get from family and friends! Tell them and allow them to take care of you.You should not and do not need to be on your own during this difficult time. All the best and get to a place of peace and rest as soon as you can.

Oh Lani That is so sad and so unfair, where is your partners compassion at a time like this and when you need him to step up to the plate for you and be supportive. I just don't get it sometimes. I totally agree with Christine, now is the time to call on your loved ones, family and friends and let them be there for you. You can't be expected to get through this time on your own, you need love, support and some caring. I have always found the BC nurses to be so wonderful and understanding to our needs and they should be able to point you in the right direction and get you some assistance and refer you for psych support if you need it. Dont be ashamed, dont do this on your own, reach out for help. I hope your partner comes around and starts to show some compassion at this time. Wishing you luck, keep us informed so we don't worry too much about you luvy. Wish there was more we can do for you but we are here for you as the best we can. Big supportive hugs coming you way, take care of yourself. Mich xoxo

My breast care nurse had a link to the physchiatrist service at the Mater in Brisbane. But I found talking to the counsellor via the cancer council phone line was so helpful I didnt need to follow up the physchiatrist services. Perhaps they can help you as they did me. Where are you located? For me, I have found one of the most difficult parts of undergoing the whole "BC journey" is the surrendering of independence and asking for and accepting help. Whilst I dont know your circumstances, if you can, tell your family. Relationship stuff happens all the time, at the moment you need a bit more support than if it happened a year ago and your family would have supported you then, I think they would want to now. As a mother and sister I would want to know so I could help. Nothing to be ashamed of in needing or asking for help. I am sure that you would extend the same care if you were asked or knew it was needed by a family member or friend. Be gentle on yourself. You are not alone.

Unraveling!! | BCNA Online Network

36 Replies

chipmunk
Member
14 years ago
Oh Lani Oh sweetie, big hugs and cuddles to you... Of course we have fights, everyone has fights,but you work things out and move on.We are so emotional since being diagnosed with BC, our moods swing day to day. Partners, husbands, family and friends need to understand and accept. You need to let your family and friends know, what's happening, to help you get through and support you. Please don't feel ashamed, if anyone should be ashamed, it is your partner. You are strong, beautiful, courageous and a damn fighter. Donot let this get you down..... Pull the strength and courage from the ones who want to help, that's where your true friends are. Luv and big hugs. Julie xx
magicmum
Member
14 years ago
How totally shattering - you poor darling. Reach out to your family and friends, don't feelashamed for that. What for ? Because you are sick ? Did you ask for it ?

I feel so privileged to have a husband who would gladly take my cancer himself if he could, and constantly asks me what he can do to help. And a 19 yr old son at home who has become a mother hen - doing cooking and washing and housework without being asked, just to help. I can'timagine being without their love and support, I would be a mess.

What a loser your partner is - if he is ever in the same boat maybe he will learn what it means to need love and support.

Use whatever services are available to you - people are out there who can help, let them.

love

magcimum
suzieq
Member
14 years ago
Hi Lani

It's the new kid on the block. Of course we are going to fight with our partners! This is stressful, life changing, confusing - the list goes on and on. But, at this point in time their job is to stand there and take it! My sister who normally questions or challenges me has clearly stated "Sue, if you need for me to stand on my head in the corner all day, then that is what I will do". That is called "support". We didn't ask for this. Any man who can say that to a woman going through this has no soul and no moral compass. That being said you are better off without him. I totally agree with everything the girls are saying. Talk to family and friends - tell them you need them. People in your life just have to step up!

You need all your strength. Talk to every psych professional you can get your hands on. This is your life, your journey, take charge of it and choose who you will let in.

Love Suzieq xxoo
Sorelle1969
Member
14 years ago
Hi Lani,so sad when I read your post.I have used the psyc services and it really helped.Sometimes it's good to talk with someone who you don't know. You must tell family and friends,cause there's no way you should have to go through this with no support. Us girls are always happy to listen,and remember your not alone,you are strong!You are fabulous! Take Care Sorelle. Xoxo
adean
Member
14 years ago
thank goodness for every amazing lady that responds and posts to the blogs For people who dont have support at home this extended family are the most beautiful bunch of non judgemental people what a honour to be part of such a great group. warmest of hugs to all adean xxxxxx
such_is_life
Member
14 years ago
HI, I too have had little to no support through this god awful journey, although my husband hasnt asked me to leave so that is a bit different, he has not once asked me how I am not even when I was in hospital, I had a visit once from my friends of 30 years and havent heard from them since, that was over 6 weeks ago, I it hard to feel alone and isolated but a small silver lining is we are all here for you even if it is only to vent and get a little comfort, we are you in the country, if anywhere in country vic I would be happy to make a trip if even just to talk

Cheers Narelle
Annie13
Member
14 years ago
Oh lani - I was saddened to read your post. It is not fair at all off your partner - he is supposed to be caring for and supporting you. I agree with the others - now is not the time to be proud - talk to your friends and family - let them help and support you. Lean on them. I do hope things get better for you. Right now it should be all about you and getting better. Feel free to drop me a line if you need to talk.:)
Annie13
Member
14 years ago
Oh lani - I was saddened to read your post. It is not fair at all off your partner - he is supposed to be caring for and supporting you. I agree with the others - now is not the time to be proud - talk to your friends and family - let them help and support you. Lean on them. I do hope things get better for you. Right now it should be all about you and getting better. Feel free to drop me a line if you need to talk.:)
serenity11
Member
14 years ago
My breast care nurse had a link to the physchiatrist service at the Mater in Brisbane. But I found talking to the counsellor via the cancer council phone line was so helpful I didnt need to follow up the physchiatrist services. Perhaps they can help you as they did me. Where are you located?

For me, I have found one of the most difficult parts of undergoing the whole "BC journey" is the surrendering of independence and asking for and accepting help. Whilst I dont know your circumstances, if you can, tell your family. Relationship stuff happens all the time, at the moment you need a bit more support than if it happened a year ago and your family would have supported you then, I think they would want to now. As a mother and sister I would want to know so I could help. Nothing to be ashamed of in needing or asking for help. I am sure that you would extend the same care if you were asked or knew it was needed by a family member or friend.

Be gentle on yourself. You are not alone.
serenity11
Member
14 years ago
My breast care nurse had a link to the physchiatrist service at the Mater in Brisbane. But I found talking to the counsellor via the cancer council phone line was so helpful I didnt need to follow up the physchiatrist services. Perhaps they can help you as they did me. Where are you located?

For me, I have found one of the most difficult parts of undergoing the whole "BC journey" is the surrendering of independence and asking for and accepting help. Whilst I dont know your circumstances, if you can, tell your family. Relationship stuff happens all the time, at the moment you need a bit more support than if it happened a year ago and your family would have supported you then, I think they would want to now. As a mother and sister I would want to know so I could help. Nothing to be ashamed of in needing or asking for help. I am sure that you would extend the same care if you were asked or knew it was needed by a family member or friend.

Be gentle on yourself. You are not alone.

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