Today is the next step of my saying "goodbye" to Boris, my breast cancer. It is 0500 and in 3 hours time I shall present to the hospital for his surgical removal. I saw the Specialist last Wednesday.He was so factual and straight forward which is what I wanted. To know what his plans were and what my percentages are. He seemed a little surprised when Intimated he could have taken me to surgery there and then, but I had to wait a week. It wasn't a bad week. I went back to work after the Christmas break and caught up with a lot of friends and work colleagues. The week was spent talking to them and working out what I wanted. No misery or "why me?" I have it and that is all there is to it. The sooner it goes the better.I can't change these facts, only adapt to them. I am still on an adrenaline high and running around on nervous energy. I expect that will stop soon and I'll come down with a bit of a thud. I'll bounce back again, I always do. This year is to be a year of learning to let things go. Not hold on to grudges or concerns. So far it has been good and happy. I am sitting with my lap top on my lap (keeping my knees warm) Looking out over the river. There are no ferries yet and the surface of the river is still and calm. I wish I felt like that. In some ways I am like that river, swirling waters hidden under the surface. The sun is just starting to dawn. I can hear the gentle hum of traffic in the background. What will today bring? The end of Boris? I do not want any lingering tendrils of him creeping around my body waiting to pounce at a later date. I really want my excision to show clear margins and no infiltration. This is the wish of us all. Some are lucky, some not so. Please let me be in the former group. If I am not, so be it. Give me the strength to cope with that. Thank you for listening to me/ reading my blog and thinking of me. I am surrounded by love and support and feel cocooned by it all. I can just feel it.

Thinking of you today. This time tomorrow surgery will be over and you will be on the mend already. I truly hope you will have clear margins and no lymph involvement. Either way, you will deal with it, and kick Boris to the kerb. Will be thinking of you and sending mental hugs and strength. It is what it is, and you are dealing with it. You can't do better than that, Mary. All the very best, Michelle

You've already got one of the best weapons against Boris - a fantastic mental attitude. Writing knowing you have already jumped one of the major hurdles in tackling him head on. Here's to a speedy recovery for you. x

Mary, you articulate well, I hope for you that you get the news you hope for and will look out for your updates. Take it easy, remember let the family treat you like a princess and rest up. cheers Donna

Thank you Michelle. I really appreciate all the responses I am getting. I have felt nothing but a coccoon of love and strength surrounding me throughout my journey. I hope in turn, I can pass this on to others. I have always been of the belief that whatever happens, you can't change any of it, just deal with it. So far I am very fortunate that I have had minimal surgery and am at an early stage. As long as the margins are clear..... If not I'll take the next step and deal with that and keep on smiling so Thanks again Love Mary x

The next step in my journey | BCNA Online Network

20 Replies

gobbytart
Member
12 years ago
I feel bad not having written anything for ages.

I think I have been visiting (and still there) that big Egyptian river, You know, "De nile"

It is as though nothing has ever happened apart from the post effects of Radiation, aches and pains in the boob etc etc.

Today I found a big positive of the breast cancer.

I have stuffed my right shoulder and had a rotator cuff repair (same bloody side). Now my arm is more or less strapped to my side and I cant lift or rotate it,

The positive you ask?

I cannot reach one handed to do/undo my ordinary underwired bra. The nurse in the hospital on discharge assisted me into my normal bra but when I got home, I nearly had to get a neighbour to undo me. Fortunately, with actions resembling a one handed 12 year old boy, I managed to get it off. Today i was a little concerned aout letting it all hang out, so to speak, when I remembered I have a number of front fastening bras, bought to cope with the radiation. Perfect.
gobbytart
Member
12 years ago
I feel bad not having written anything for ages.

I think I have been visiting (and still there) that big Egyptian river, You know, "De nile"

It is as though nothing has ever happened apart from the post effects of Radiation, aches and pains in the boob etc etc.

Today I found a big positive of the breast cancer.

I have stuffed my right shoulder and had a rotator cuff repair (same bloody side). Now my arm is more or less strapped to my side and I cant lift or rotate it,

The positive you ask?

I cannot reach one handed to do/undo my ordinary underwired bra. The nurse in the hospital on discharge assisted me into my normal bra but when I got home, I nearly had to get a neighbour to undo me. Fortunately, with actions resembling a one handed 12 year old boy, I managed to get it off. Today i was a little concerned aout letting it all hang out, so to speak, when I remembered I have a number of front fastening bras, bought to cope with the radiation. Perfect.
atashi
Member
13 years ago
Hi Mary,

You sound like a person after my own heart, with volunteering etc so I'm going to suggest that, if it's still something that you want to do, enjoy doing and feel up to it, chat to your Onc/Breastcare Nurse/Dr to get a second opinion/change dates etc but otherwise go and enjoy yourself. I don't know if you've ended up with the dreaded fatigue [I didn't until months afterwards] but, if so, explain to the organisers that you might need 'rest time' or a desk job etc. Everything I've volunteered at have been fine with it - they need the help!

Take care, have a great weekend & healing thoughts going your way.

Go and enjoy yourself :)
atashi
Member
13 years ago
Hi Mary,

You sound like a person after my own heart, with volunteering etc so I'm going to suggest that, if it's still something that you want to do, enjoy doing and feel up to it, chat to your Onc/Breastcare Nurse/Dr to get a second opinion/change dates etc but otherwise go and enjoy yourself. I don't know if you've ended up with the dreaded fatigue [I didn't until months afterwards] but, if so, explain to the organisers that you might need 'rest time' or a desk job etc. Everything I've volunteered at have been fine with it - they need the help!

Take care, have a great weekend & healing thoughts going your way.

Go and enjoy yourself :)
mgndam1603
Member
13 years ago
Don't know where I got the thought that you lived in Sydney, the river in Brissie is just lovely. No idea on the radiation I see my surgeon Tuesday and the oncologist next week so I will get the dates etc then. I know what you mean about plans for this year I am putting everything on hold myself. Take care Donna
mgndam1603
Member
13 years ago
Don't know where I got the thought that you lived in Sydney, the river in Brissie is just lovely. No idea on the radiation I see my surgeon Tuesday and the oncologist next week so I will get the dates etc then. I know what you mean about plans for this year I am putting everything on hold myself. Take care Donna
mgndam1603
Member
13 years ago
You are such a positive person, I am hope with all my being that your margins are good this time.

I had the best news in the world yesterday and am feeling fantastic, no double mastectomy required. So for me its ovaries removed and then radiation I am at peace with that and happy.

What part of Sydney do you live, looking out at the river and Syndey I am guessing somewhere along the Georges River maybe?

I live in Melbourne now but come from Sydney and still ahve many of my friends and family there.

I hope that you get to enjoy the long weekend as I believe the weather is going to be perfect.

Love and kisses

Donna
gobbytart
Member
13 years ago
Hi Donna.

I was only down on the Saturday, by Sunday I was my usual bouncy self. I went to Work on Monday but was stood down after 6 hours as I couldn't do 'light duties' as it was not a work related injury.

I was a little mad, to say the least and told my boss in no uncertain terms that she was doing my mental health no good whatsoever. She was relegating me to sit and home and ponder the impending resukts.

Once I had vented and gone home, I enjoyed the time off. Results were pending and nothing I could do about it so 'Why worry'?

When I did see the Specialist on Thursday, the margins down the bottom and sides weren't sufficient, so I went back into surgery yesterday and had a little trim off the sides. the Prof went back in through the scar line (just around the nipple) so it looks good, Shame there is no-one currently to look at it. haha.

I now have another 9 days to wait to see that these margins are ok. Everything is still only in the ducts with no invasion (of the body snatchers) I am very lucky and thankful.

I have plans to do some cooking and maybe catch another movie. My neighbour and good friend is having some skin cancers removed from her legs on Wed so I shall be checking she is alright.

I don't mind my own company. I look out at the river and that has an instant calming effect on me. I treated myself to an amplifier and sound system from the Boxing day sales so crank up the volume. I also have plenty of DVD's

After the initial shock I am ok. go out wearing bright colours laugh and sing. Life is too short to be miserable.

So I shall go out and be happy.

Love

Mary.xxx
atashi
Member
13 years ago
Hi there,

I know all about waiting for results - seems to take for ages, you start worrying about the slightest thing [which ends up being nothing!!!] so what I used to do was take up the invites of friends . . . go for coffee, see a movie, anything to use up the time, and enjoy it too! Whatever you enjoy doing that will take your mind away from the thoughts you don't want to think about . . . not really good timing about it being a weekend now though, you could have timed it better :) Thinking on the good side though, if it was something to be worried about then you would have heard about it so don't worry! Hopefully, wherever you are, it is nice weather, not too hot, not too cold or too blowy [am I getting fussy or what?] and you can enjoy the weekend doing whatever you enjoy the most . . . . and get the best news possible on Monday.

Good luck and heal quickly, take care.
gobbytart
Member
13 years ago
Hi Atashi

Thank you. Today is a bit of a down day. I had been hoping for the results through but they are still pending. So just spending a quiet evening. trying not to think too much.

I do love this site tho' everyone is so supportive.

Mary.x