No wonder they call it a journey - It can be a real bumpy road. The past couple of months I have felt like I am in some kind of crazy bad dream. I have had the 'lumpectomy' then the partial mastectomy and now heading for the 'chemo' deal. I try to get my head around it, and try to 'put on a big brave face'. It started rather shakily to say the least because the GP I origionally went to 'forgot to ring me' and tell me I had breast cancer - so you can imagine how I nearly fell through the floor when I had to 'remind' her about the results of my scans....Yes, I changed GP's. Since then it has been a process of 'baby steps'. Yesterday I had a 'little cry' - just felt a bit 'fed up'. I guess this is normal. I am looking forward to a few replies to back up my ongoing confusion and roller-coaster emotions.

I too am at the start of my journey, only having been diagnosed on 9th March. I have had a lumpectomy and removal of my lymph nodes but the surgeon told me yesterday that the margins are not clear so I will now need a mastectomy. My emotions are all over the place, especially as they want to start with chemo first and do the surgery in a few months. It is scary when we put our lives in the hands of these people and have to trust them implicitely. So I fully relate to your roller coaster of emotions...we are allowed to cry and then we must get back onto that positive track and keep fighting :)

I can really relate to you on this one. Some times I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say. I found out from the Oncologist mine was a grade three - maybe the surgeon told me that, I honestly can't remember. I take my husband along with me - he's a great back-up because I just sit there like a stunned mullet nodding my head away like a 'noddy' thing. This isn't like getting your tonsils out, or a bad case of the flu, but my children seem to have that attitude, most of them wont even discuss it with me, nor do they ever ask how am I feeling - this hurts a lot as I have tried talking to them, I don't know wheather its just a coping mechanism, or did I raise kids that don't understand or care. My eldest sister has been through it, but continually compares apples with oranges and all it does is frustrate me - in many ways, I feel very much alone, I am very fortunate to have a supportive and caring husband, thank goodness! I think that is also why I have turned to this site, at least all you lovely ladies know what its all about! As one lady said it is one club you don't want to join, but I am sure glad we have each other to turn to and express our thoughts.

You are not alone here jjoy.We have all got similar stories and help each other.How old are your kids? I think that makes a difference. You get swept along this journey with not alot of time to process it all.Seems such a fuss for a little lump doesn't it.They say you have cancer but you feel fine.Well you sure as hell don't feel fine once treatment starts and it's so long and drawn out with more twists and turns than a funpark ride.It is normal to be scared and cry. Chemo IS scary.I was soooo anxious before my first dose that they had to give me a calm you down pill.It's the unknown.And then ofcourse,you get the hair loss which I found very distressing.I've become an expert in bald head management.Keep coming onto this site as there is always someone to chat with.Put me as a contact if you like. Tonya xx

JJoy you are not alone and are experiencing very similar emotions to me. I too have a wonderful husband who is trying so hard to cope with this. My children (son 18 and daughter 14) are still coming to grips with it. My son lives with his father (previous marriage and my daughter spends every 2nd week with him) so they are often not here to see my bad days which is a kind of blessing. My daughter is very focused and positive but my son never calls to see how I am and like you, this hurts me very much. He just thinks it will get fixed and Mum will be fine! I have very supportive friends, but all my family are in the UK and I still feel very lonely at times. Although, I think this site will help me. I too have a grade 3 and it was a large (5cm ) tumour which really scares me too. If you would like to add me as a contact to keep in touch, please do. I will upload a photo soon :)

The Journey | BCNA Online Network

31 Replies

JJoy
Member
15 years ago
Today we found out we were offered a brand new unit (housing commission) in a different town....I wanted to sit and cry because we have been waiting on it so long. We had to refuse it because of my on-going treatments. I wanted to throw stuff at the wall and swear a lot! Last year we had to go through all the rigamarole of my late mother's estate. The day I got my small gift , I also found out about my bc! Darn I thought - put everything on hold, now we get this I feel like someone is playing tricks and I am very upset, annoyed, cranky and down right hate using the term - but -"It's just not fair"! Please escuse my bluster but I am having a 'moment'. I will pull up, have to don't I.
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I have to laugh, its a combination of both - sadly more so the latter! x
TonyaM
Member
15 years ago
Wow! you are easily pleased.It's either a very positive outlook or a sad reflection of your new life!!! I've gotten to the stage where I can't even face the dentist or optomitrist.Im getting anxious just thinking about my hairdresser's appointment this Thursday. Enjoy your 'gold'.

Tonya xx
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I am going through a stage where I really am glad if I don't have an appointment or some treatment to go to - I am treating these days like 'gold'!
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I am going through a stage where I really am glad if I don't have an appointment or some treatment to go to - I am treating these days like 'gold'!
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I am going through a stage where I really am glad if I don't have an appointment or some treatment to go to - I am treating these days like 'gold'!
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I keep reading your responses ladies and it is keeping me so upbeat - I really appreciatte your feedback. I have to get the 'port' inserted some time in the next two weeks and yes! I am bleedin' sick of the smell of antiseptic....etc. I have suddenly found myself waking up in the morning and going "Yippee! no appointments or hospital stuff today...." This has come to mean a lot and you can relate to that I am sure. I heard from from one of my children today (this one has been out of touch for a while) and she is going to Skype me tonight - this is good. As for that 'glass of something'.........I am about to indulge! Talk to you soon 'Pink Angels'. x x x
JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I keep reading your responses ladies and it is keeping me so upbeat - I really appreciatte your feedback. I have to get the 'port' inserted some time in the next two weeks and yes! I am bleedin' sick of the smell of antiseptic....etc. I have suddenly found myself waking up in the morning and going "Yippee! no appointments or hospital stuff today...." This has come to mean a lot and you can relate to that I am sure. I heard from from one of my children today (this one has been out of touch for a while) and she is going to Skype me tonight - this is good. As for that 'glass of something'.........I am about to indulge! Talk to you soon 'Pink Angels'. x x x
TonyaM
Member
15 years ago
Yes,those body scans are really scary.I couldn't finish the last few mouthfuls of that white stuff for fear of it all coming up.Then you have to sweat on the results.You really start to feel like a professional patient cos you are always going for some checkup or test.I feel for you Joy having to travel a long way from home.That must be so hard.My 2 girls are 25yrs and 27yrs.They took it quite hard the first time,7yrs ago.The oldest went very quite and the youngest couldn't do enough.They are both completely different and I know they care in their own unique way.Just when you think they don't care much they'll turn around and do something really nice.My eldest got tickets to see Oprah last December at the opera house and took me.It cheered me up as I was still quite down from chemo effects.We both got the lovely pearl necklace.

With my first breast cancer I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation for 6wks.It took me about 18mths to feel confident in my health again.Well I got back on my perch but got knocked off in 2007 when I broke my ankle.I suffered a series of dodgy operations over 2yrs which left me on crutches/wheelchair and severe pain.I finally found a good surgeon who sorted it out and got me back on my feet.So last May,to my horror.cancer came back in the same breast,same spot.I was in the unlucky 8%.I had to have a mastectomy followed by chemo.and now on Tamoxifen.Thank goodness the body scans were clear.When I knew that then I wasn't as scared about beating breast cancer again.If you catch it early then it's treatable and you can be optimistic.It's crazy but I think I was more scared of chemo than cancer.When I signed the consent form for it I broke down sobbing-didn't see that coming! You'll be up and down and often caught off guard with teary outbursts. A nice glass of something helps!

Tonya xx
TonyaM
Member
15 years ago
Yes,those body scans are really scary.I couldn't finish the last few mouthfuls of that white stuff for fear of it all coming up.Then you have to sweat on the results.You really start to feel like a professional patient cos you are always going for some checkup or test.I feel for you Joy having to travel a long way from home.That must be so hard.My 2 girls are 25yrs and 27yrs.They took it quite hard the first time,7yrs ago.The oldest went very quite and the youngest couldn't do enough.They are both completely different and I know they care in their own unique way.Just when you think they don't care much they'll turn around and do something really nice.My eldest got tickets to see Oprah last December at the opera house and took me.It cheered me up as I was still quite down from chemo effects.We both got the lovely pearl necklace.

With my first breast cancer I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation for 6wks.It took me about 18mths to feel confident in my health again.Well I got back on my perch but got knocked off in 2007 when I broke my ankle.I suffered a series of dodgy operations over 2yrs which left me on crutches/wheelchair and severe pain.I finally found a good surgeon who sorted it out and got me back on my feet.So last May,to my horror.cancer came back in the same breast,same spot.I was in the unlucky 8%.I had to have a mastectomy followed by chemo.and now on Tamoxifen.Thank goodness the body scans were clear.When I knew that then I wasn't as scared about beating breast cancer again.If you catch it early then it's treatable and you can be optimistic.It's crazy but I think I was more scared of chemo than cancer.When I signed the consent form for it I broke down sobbing-didn't see that coming! You'll be up and down and often caught off guard with teary outbursts. A nice glass of something helps!

Tonya xx

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