No wonder they call it a journey - It can be a real bumpy road. The past couple of months I have felt like I am in some kind of crazy bad dream. I have had the 'lumpectomy' then the partial mastectomy and now heading for the 'chemo' deal. I try to get my head around it, and try to 'put on a big brave face'. It started rather shakily to say the least because the GP I origionally went to 'forgot to ring me' and tell me I had breast cancer - so you can imagine how I nearly fell through the floor when I had to 'remind' her about the results of my scans....Yes, I changed GP's. Since then it has been a process of 'baby steps'. Yesterday I had a 'little cry' - just felt a bit 'fed up'. I guess this is normal. I am looking forward to a few replies to back up my ongoing confusion and roller-coaster emotions.

I too am at the start of my journey, only having been diagnosed on 9th March. I have had a lumpectomy and removal of my lymph nodes but the surgeon told me yesterday that the margins are not clear so I will now need a mastectomy. My emotions are all over the place, especially as they want to start with chemo first and do the surgery in a few months. It is scary when we put our lives in the hands of these people and have to trust them implicitely. So I fully relate to your roller coaster of emotions...we are allowed to cry and then we must get back onto that positive track and keep fighting :)

I can really relate to you on this one. Some times I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say. I found out from the Oncologist mine was a grade three - maybe the surgeon told me that, I honestly can't remember. I take my husband along with me - he's a great back-up because I just sit there like a stunned mullet nodding my head away like a 'noddy' thing. This isn't like getting your tonsils out, or a bad case of the flu, but my children seem to have that attitude, most of them wont even discuss it with me, nor do they ever ask how am I feeling - this hurts a lot as I have tried talking to them, I don't know wheather its just a coping mechanism, or did I raise kids that don't understand or care. My eldest sister has been through it, but continually compares apples with oranges and all it does is frustrate me - in many ways, I feel very much alone, I am very fortunate to have a supportive and caring husband, thank goodness! I think that is also why I have turned to this site, at least all you lovely ladies know what its all about! As one lady said it is one club you don't want to join, but I am sure glad we have each other to turn to and express our thoughts.

You are not alone here jjoy.We have all got similar stories and help each other.How old are your kids? I think that makes a difference. You get swept along this journey with not alot of time to process it all.Seems such a fuss for a little lump doesn't it.They say you have cancer but you feel fine.Well you sure as hell don't feel fine once treatment starts and it's so long and drawn out with more twists and turns than a funpark ride.It is normal to be scared and cry. Chemo IS scary.I was soooo anxious before my first dose that they had to give me a calm you down pill.It's the unknown.And then ofcourse,you get the hair loss which I found very distressing.I've become an expert in bald head management.Keep coming onto this site as there is always someone to chat with.Put me as a contact if you like. Tonya xx

JJoy you are not alone and are experiencing very similar emotions to me. I too have a wonderful husband who is trying so hard to cope with this. My children (son 18 and daughter 14) are still coming to grips with it. My son lives with his father (previous marriage and my daughter spends every 2nd week with him) so they are often not here to see my bad days which is a kind of blessing. My daughter is very focused and positive but my son never calls to see how I am and like you, this hurts me very much. He just thinks it will get fixed and Mum will be fine! I have very supportive friends, but all my family are in the UK and I still feel very lonely at times. Although, I think this site will help me. I too have a grade 3 and it was a large (5cm ) tumour which really scares me too. If you would like to add me as a contact to keep in touch, please do. I will upload a photo soon :)

The Journey | BCNA Online Network

31 Replies

JJoy
Member
15 years ago
I can really relate to you on this one. Some times I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say. I found out from the Oncologist mine was a grade three - maybe the surgeon told me that, I honestly can't remember. I take my husband along with me - he's a great back-up because I just sit there like a stunned mullet nodding my head away like a 'noddy' thing. This isn't like getting your tonsils out, or a bad case of the flu, but my children seem to have that attitude, most of them wont even discuss it with me, nor do they ever ask how am I feeling - this hurts a lot as I have tried talking to them, I don't know wheather its just a coping mechanism, or did I raise kids that don't understand or care. My eldest sister has been through it, but continually compares apples with oranges and all it does is frustrate me - in many ways, I feel very much alone, I am very fortunate to have a supportive and caring husband, thank goodness! I think that is also why I have turned to this site, at least all you lovely ladies know what its all about! As one lady said it is one club you don't want to join, but I am sure glad we have each other to turn to and express our thoughts.
jennywren
Member
15 years ago
I too am at the start of my journey, only having been diagnosed on 9th March. I have had a lumpectomy and removal of my lymph nodes but the surgeon told me yesterday that the margins are not clear so I will now need a mastectomy. My emotions are all over the place, especially as they want to start with chemo first and do the surgery in a few months. It is scary when we put our lives in the hands of these people and have to trust them implicitely. So I fully relate to your roller coaster of emotions...we are allowed to cry and then we must get back onto that positive track and keep fighting :)

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