The girls are gone

It's a tricky one I think .....I have had the benefit of working with all sorts of reconstructions for breast cancer patients over 7 years so I have seen the whole spectrum . I guess my perspective was to deal with the cancer first then let my body heal from that and the ensuing treatments . Any reconstructive process is big surgery. I don't have enough fat on my tummy for a tram or diep and have had a hernia 2 years ago so they wouldn't go there . The lat Doris suit some people and can look great but bc I do so much yoga which is my passion lat Dorsi is a really important muscle so that takes that off the list . So I'm left at this stage with ex panders and implants unless this BRAVA technique really gets off the ground which looks very promising . So in the meantime I just accept my scars as part of my life story ...like my stretch marks from my babies and the one on my leg where I fell off the monkey bars as a kid , and the lines on my face from laughing and smiling . I need to get some chicken fillet prostheses and a decent bra just to wear when the mood takes me but for the moment I'm just concentrating on getting over the surgery and chemo ( don't need radio !) I had a bit of a grief and sadness initially about losing them but I figured they had done me proud , I fed all my boys for a year each , and were in fact now trying to kill me !! So bye bye And no more mammograms :))) I still get the occasional sadness but it's tied up with so much other stuff sometimes it's hard to know what's what ! Mostly I think it's being faced with your own mortality at an age you never expected to be ...I assumed I would live into my 90's because I've always been so well ...and my plan is to do just that . Which is why I call them my Granny Scars :)) it's early days for you Melissa ...I'm sure you will find as I have hardly anyone even notices ...that's the beauty of symmetry ...you just will be looking "athletic " ...not a bad look really ! And to be honest if you ask 10 of your closest friends what they are most self conscious about , I bet each of them will tell you something you have never ever even noticed. What funny creatures we are . You are still Melissa and all any one who cares about you wants you to be healthy number one every time . So to cut a really long response short I remain very undecided at this point about reconstruction ...I'm thinking a fab overseas holiday might be up the list first ! I have seen women who waited 5-10 years so no urgency and who knows what they'll be able to do then ! But it's a very individual and personal decision based on your own life and circumstance . It's only a decision you can make for YOU not to please other people . The psyche I see at the breast unit sent me an interesting study I could forward to you if you're interested . In the meanwhile just give yourself over to the healing from this surgery before the next steps in your plan become clearer...take special care xx Karen

thanks Karen, i am so self conscious about it at the moment.i will have reconstruction later on. did you chose not to recon or was it not offered. it wasnt even offered tome xxx

Congratulations for your special birthday and sorry for your diagnosis ....but a great job you were able not to let it ruin your party ! Every best wish and good thoughts go with you for yr appointment tomorrow x Karen

Hello Melissa ...I had a double mastectomy in November last year and now I am really used to it , really comfortable and enjoying the freedom of no bra ! It is all a lot to take in especially in the beginning when you know you may or may not need to face chemo or radio as well, plus you're adjusting to your "new " body . Give it time :) I don't need any radio but in the end did need chemo bc I had TNBC ....if my cancer was hormone receptive I would have been lucky to skip that too but it wasn't to be ! Now waiting for the genetic tests to see if I need an oophorectomy and hysterectomy too . I hope every day is a little easier...I remember 3 weeks post op I had a very bad day where I wanted to have my "old life and body " back ...but by the end of the day I realised that was never going to happen ...but it didn't mean it had to be worse ; and in fact I'm discovering like so many other women here , in so many ways it's actually better . Pretty stupid way to have to find out though ! Love and healing to you Melissa xxx Karen

Thank you for the support Wendy you have come to the right place for everything you need. when those around you want tk help let them as you will need it. and talk here when you need to vent or advice when others wont understand big hugs xxx

thanks! i was quite shocked and upset when i saw my chest for the first time. No matter how many pics you see or how prepared you think you are when you see your own scars its very emotional. good luck with oncologist big hugs xx

I lost one girl on Wednesday as well. Not easy I know. I have spoken with the MO and will see him in a fortnight to outline my chemo schedule. Hang in there... Hugs