Well today is officially the last day that 'the bitch that bites' (tbtb) - my left breast gets to stay. Today is my birthday. And in a strange way it feels like tomorrow will be like a second birthday. There will be no more of my own body trying to attack me. Still a very weird concept even for someone with a practical science brain. What I've decided that is right for me at this moment in time is not to have a reconstruction. Why - well a number of reasons and found this fits almost to perfectly why I don't think I need recon. Plus don't want more surgery or anything that can harm me as the bitch that bites has already tried that. "They're strong women who don't feel their breasts define their identity. They're confident women who know they can look great in clothes without showing lots of cleavage. They're active women who want to continue exercising without any restrictions. They're mature women who understand that love of love ones/partners, friends, and family isn't dependent on having breasts." What I'm having most trouble is that when I say I'm having a masectomy. After the omg I'm sorry is are you having reconstruction? How do I continue to answer that and not get angry and judgemental that to be who I am requires two breasts. Or have I miss read it and that is their way of being supportive when they can't find anything else to say. I had a shirt made up. That says it all. If would like to see I will send image as tried to attach and couldn't. Anyway having a farewell to tbtb's party tonight which will be fun. To those of my mates in the country I have said send through your 'telegrams'. Will catch ya soon when I become a Warrior Amazon. Thinking it's a good time to take up archery!

This network is so amazing in that we are all so different and yet we support each other so well! I understand what you are saying exactly.I had my mastectomy last September,and I KNEW,right from the get go ,that I didn't want a reconstruction.I have never doubted my decision.For me,I think it is a combination of my age(59) ,I place more value on my general health that anything to do with my looks,and also because I have very small breasts(breast!) so it is not that noticeable.I hardly ever wear my prosthesis,because I just don't like it! I wish now,looking back,that I would have had both breasts off.Maybe in the future I will go back and do it again.At the moment though,I am enjoying my life,my priority is my health,and I couldn't care less if people have an opinion about my one breast!!!I will say though,for a larger breasted lady,having only one can present problems with posture etc. Cheers xoxRobyn

Happy birthday for today and my best wishes for your surgery tomorrow.The BCNA network is a great place to come for info and support.You won't get any stupid comments here because we all know what you are going through. When I had my mastectomy 4 years ago,I got some silly comments too. One work colleague said "oh you'll be able to get nice new perky boobs" and another said"you should really get the other one off too".I think we all experience a few tactless remarks along the way.I don't think they are said in malice but rather more out of ignorance.I found a saying and I often use it in my head when needed-"dismiss whatever insults your soul". We are all different and have our reasons for the decisions we make. I figure you are brave to live without a breast/breasts and you are brave to put yourself through gruelling reconstruction surgery. My reason for not having recon is because my cancer was a recurrence -the first was in 2003(a lumpectomy and full node clearance.) So I became quite paranoid and prefer to watch my scarline incase it comes back again. I wear a prosthesis and once I'm dressed,I don't think too much about it. I had 5 surgeries in 7 years and I couldn't face anymore at the moment but I won't rule out recon in the future-never say never. I am living more in the moment now and don't think too far ahead. Tonya xx

I also have made the decision not to have reconstuction for very similar reasons to yours. I have never doubted my decision. Robyn, I elected to have both breasts removed and also have never doubted that decision. I do get a little feed up over the reconstruction question too. All the best. Helen.

Hi wndsrfn, sounds like you have had a series of nasty surprises and surgeries. I hope all went well with your surgery, and that you have a profound sense of relief now the breast with cancer is gone. Are you in Perth and looking at joining our local dragonboat group, or in another area with a similar group? Where are you getting your treatment? I am finding that these new unexpected changes to my body image, and what it means to lose a breast and to be a one-breasted woman, and to wear or not wear a prosthesis and to consider breast reconstruction or not is complex and complicated. There is the safety/health-risks issue, there is the issue of wanting to look good in my clothes, there is the issue of wanting to feel beautiful, sexy and attractive enough with my husband that we can have some sort of sexlife again, there is the issue of wanting to be proud of me as I am, there is the grief at having had to go through all of this, there is the complications a prosthesis adds (wearing a bra, washing the prosthesis, putting it into its cradle), there is the complications having a reconstruction adds(surgery, healing, extra surgery, complications, pain, expense). The body has been attacked, and the body has attacked, and for me it takes time to start to be comfortable with it all. For myself, I have decided to leave the question of reconstructive surgery or not till after I have finished all my treatment ie about a year. During that time, I want to lose weight and get down to my ideal weight ie about 12kg lighter, which will mean a smaller breast size too, so either a new prosthesis or a . I also want to get tests done on breast cancer markers etc, to get as much info as I can on my personal risks of breast and ovarian cancers, so I know if I should be having the other breast and possibly my ovaries removed. Or not. Like you, I also want to get strong and healthy, to turn my body back into a trusted friend I can depend on, and to have a lifestyle that will help protect me from further cancer. I think the dragonboat group is a lovely place to start, turning a bad experience into something good is a profoundly positive response: I admire your strength and courage in the face of adversity.

Hi Jessica. Yes I'm in Perth and have already made contact with the Anazon Dragonboats. I came and saw them paddle at Champion Lakes and plan to join and begin paddling in July. Surgery and specialist at Murdoch. Thanks heaps for your support and kind words especially facing your own adventure with this. If your a dragonboater might bump into you later in the year. Big hug for the rest of your journey.

The Bitch That Bites! | BCNA Online Network

13 Replies

HelenJill
Member
12 years ago
I also have made the decision not to have reconstuction for very similar reasons to yours. I have never doubted my decision.

Robyn, I elected to have both breasts removed and also have never doubted that decision.

I do get a little feed up over the reconstruction question too.

All the best.

Helen.
TonyaM
Member
12 years ago
Happy birthday for today and my best wishes for your surgery tomorrow.The BCNA network is a great place to come for info and support.You won't get any stupid comments here because we all know what you are going through. When I had my mastectomy 4 years ago,I got some silly comments too. One work colleague said "oh you'll be able to get nice new perky boobs" and another said"you should really get the other one off too".I think we all experience a few tactless remarks along the way.I don't think they are said in malice but rather more out of ignorance.I found a saying and I often use it in my head when needed-"dismiss whatever insults your soul". We are all different and have our reasons for the decisions we make. I figure you are brave to live without a breast/breasts and you are brave to put yourself through gruelling reconstruction surgery. My reason for not having recon is because my cancer was a recurrence -the first was in 2003(a lumpectomy and full node clearance.) So I became quite paranoid and prefer to watch my scarline incase it comes back again. I wear a prosthesis and once I'm dressed,I don't think too much about it. I had 5 surgeries in 7 years and I couldn't face anymore at the moment but I won't rule out recon in the future-never say never. I am living more in the moment now and don't think too far ahead. Tonya xx
Robyn_W
Member
12 years ago
This network is so amazing in that we are all so different and yet we support each other so well! I understand what you are saying exactly.I had my mastectomy last September,and I KNEW,right from the get go ,that I didn't want a reconstruction.I have never doubted my decision.For me,I think it is a combination of my age(59) ,I place more value on my general health that anything to do with my looks,and also because I have very small breasts(breast!) so it is not that noticeable.I hardly ever wear my prosthesis,because I just don't like it! I wish now,looking back,that I would have had both breasts off.Maybe in the future I will go back and do it again.At the moment though,I am enjoying my life,my priority is my health,and I couldn't care less if people have an opinion about my one breast!!!I will say though,for a larger breasted lady,having only one can present problems with posture etc. Cheers xoxRobyn

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